HALLOWEEN!

Halloween started with, appropriately enough, my own Saturday morning cartoon mix for my daughters. I wanted to sample some of the shows I used to watch around their age that influenced my love of horror.

The Real Ghostbusters 2.08: "Night Game" (1987) directed by Marek Buchwald & Masakazu Higuchi

The design of Slimer was truly a blessing for the cartoon show. With the movie establishing that ghosts could look nothing like a simple transparent human, the cartoon was free to let their creativity flow in any direction they felt like. We get a good dose in this episode, which features a surprisingly calm Winston playing in a spiritual baseball game populated by all sorts of weird critters.

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The Real Ghostbusters 2.09: "Venkman's Ghost Repellers" (1987) directed by Marek Buchwald & Masakazu Higuchi

I've always loved the surrealism in this show. In this episode, the boys go on a rescue mission into the New Jersey Parallelogram, which is like the Bermuda Triangle, except with "more suburbs," It actually looks more like they are floating inside of tie-dye T-shirt, with bizarre origami-shaped dragon creatures chasing after the lost ships. Fun.

Ghostbusters 1.07: "Mummy Dearest" (1986) directed by Ernie Schmidt

I hadn't watched Filmation's Ghostbusters since, well, 1986 when it first aired. I didn't care for it then. In comparison to the movie-inspired The Real Ghostbusters, it was clearly inferior. The two ghostbusters of this show live in a haunted house inexplicably filled with sentient skeleton-themed furniture. They also take an intelligent gorilla named Tracy with them on their adventures, which they travel to using a sentient ghost car that looks like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and can transform into a jet-thing. It's typical Filmation crap, in which every episode they fight a Skeletor-like villain named Prime Evil who appears to be a mix of ghost, skeleton, and robot. It's standard '80s cartoon fare that pales in comparison to the creativity and, sometimes, depth found in the other show.

This episode has Prime Evil sending his idiot -- seriously, he speaks like he has brain damage -- mummy henchman to the Middle East to scare away all of the oil field workers. Yep. He wants to stop the flow of oil from the Middle East in order to destabilize the world (which he rather unimaginatively pictures as freeways packed with out-of-gas cars, as if people would continue to drive around during an extreme oil crisis until they literally ran out of gas on the way to work). Yeah, just stupid Skeletor-style stuff that the good guys stop using a car wash (really).

Ghostbusters 1.01: "I'll Be a Son of a Ghostbuster" (1986) directed by Tom Tataranowicz

Well, the girls dug the show and wanted to see the first episode in case they explained how all of this craziness came to be. It does, and begins with the dads of the two main characters attempting to teach them the art of ghostbusting. The most bizarre take-away from this episode is that both Prime Evil and the ghostbuster's haunted car have the ability to time travel. That would make for a short series had that been taken to its logical conclusion.

The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo 1.01: "To All the Ghouls I've Loved Before" (1985) directed by Ray Patterson

At the age of seven, I loved this iteration of Scooby-Doo. I believe it was the first version of the show in which the monsters were real, which I thought was cool. Plus, the 13 ghost spoken of in the title tended to be a little scarier than normal cartoon fare, being terrible demons (or ghosts, they call them both) who are released from a creepy treasure chest by the idiot titular dog. It also features the venerable Vincent Price in cartoon form, as the mystic Vincent Van Ghoul, who is awesome. On the other hand, the show also doubles-down on the annoying characters. Not only are Fred and Velma missing, they are replaced by Scrappy-Doo and an extremely annoying little kid named Flim Flam.

The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo 1.02: "Scoobra Kadoobra" (1985) directed by Ray Patterson

After releasing the 13 ghost, they group have to track down their first ghost/demon. This one gets a little sillier than the first episode, with the gang's antics approaching Looney Tunes goofiness at times. During one bit, they cut to a parody news cast in which Shaggy and Scooby berate an old lady complaining about danger of the episode's dragon who was breathing fire. I'm guessing the creators of this episodes were having some issues with standards and practices and needed to vent (the dragon fire remained, but it is green in color).

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad: "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" (1949) directed by James Algar & Clyde Geronimi & Jack Kinney

We skipped the non-seasonal Mr. Toad bit of the movie and moved directly to the Ichabod Crane section. It's been a little while since I've watched this. Interesting how Disney chose to present the story. Ichabod is pretty much a complete ass in this version. He cares nothing for anyone other than himself and only interacts with people if they can offer him something. This mostly results in him attending various societal functions in order to gobble as much food as possible. When the attractive, single Katrina appears -- the daughter of a wealthy farmer -- Ichabod uses all of his tricks to get into her good graces and to screw up the strapping, handsome Brom's shot with her. However, Katrina's continued sidelong glaces at Brom confirm that she has already made her choice and is merely enjoying having the two fight over her. In the end, Brom -- presumably -- has to scare the scam artist right out of town in order to win his bride. There's a lot of interesting truth buried in here.

The Mummy's Hand (1940) directed by Christy Cabanne

My youngest daughter, remembering watching The Mummy last year, wanted to watch "Mummy 2" this year. That works for me: I always try to watch at least one Universal monster movie every Halloween. Admittedly, the Mummy movies are my least favorite of the Universal stable. They tend to be very dull and the mummy himself is never very interesting. This one, at least, has some entertaining characters in the form of Brooklyn charlatan Babe and magician The Great Solvani. 

But, man, the mummy in this one dies in the most pathetic manner of any movie monster in the history of horror. The mummy requires tea made from the leaves of a special plant in order to continue to live. In fact, the mummy is so addicted to this stuff that he'll sniff it out where ever it may be (usually, placed in the good guys's tents by the bad buy). In the finale, the bad guy cooks up a mega-batch of tea that the mummy slowly shuffles towards. The hero of the picture easily knocks the tea bowl over before the mummy can get to it and the poor, pathetic addict of a mummy ends up kneeling down into the dirt to suck the tea off the ground. This allows the hero to easily knock a candle onto him to burn him up. Kids, don't do drugs!

Earlier in the film, the bad guy states that the mummy requires three leaves per day in order for his heart to continue beating. The bag guy is part of a long line of bad guys who have sworn to feed the mummy his leaf medicine every single day for the past 3000 years. Just how many leaves would that take, I wonder? Well, that's a long, long time to be using leaves. Turns out they would've need to stash 3.3 million leaves in the mummy's tomb to supply him for that long. No wonder the plant went extinct!

Tales of Halloween (2015) directed by Darren Lynn Bousman & Axelle Carolyn & Adam Gierasch & Andrew Kasch & Neil Marshall & Lucky McKee & Mike Mendez & Dave Parker & Ryan Schifrin & John Skipp & Paul Solet

The next best thing to a new Trick 'r Treat movie, this is a horror anthology film with 10 different stories in it. Like any anthology flick, it's a mixed bag, but there are definitely more gems than duds in this one. Overall, I liked the movie quite a bit and hope it becomes an annual or semi-annual series.

1. Sweet Tooth (dir. Dave Parker)
   A babysitter and her boyfriend spook their charge with the urban legend of Sweet Tooth, who'll do anything to get your candy (even if you've already eaten it all). Not a bad intro for the show; I like the ending, in which we're not sure if Sweet Tooth is really real, or if the kid just went psycho.
   
2. The Night Billy Raised Hell (dir. Darren Lynn Bousman)
   Easily my favorite of the lot. A kid is urged to throw an egg at a man's house. Unfortunately for him, that man happens to be Satan himself, who seemingly takes the kid on an ever-escalating prank rampage through the neighborhood. Hilarious and dark.
   
3. Trick (dir. Adam Gierasch)
   A bunch of child trick-r-treaters begin killing a group of adults in their home, slasher style. Only towards the end do we find the disturbing reason why. Effectively horrifying and also funny.
   
4. The Weak and the Wicked (dir. Paul Solet)
   A man summons a demon to help him deal with the bullies who burned his parents to death when he was a child. Merely OK.
   
5. Grim Grinning Ghost (dir. Axelle Carolyn)
   The worst of a the lot. A dull story about a woman stalked by the ghostly Mary Bailey, an urban legend-type creature. Full of atmosphere, I suppose, but not particular interesting.
   
6. Ding Dong (dir. Lucky McKee)
   A twisted take on "Hansel and Gretel" in which a man realizes how awful of a person his witch of a wife really is. Creatively shot and an interesting story.
   
7. This Means War (dir. Andrew Kasch and John Skipp)
   My second favorite of the lot. A man who sets up an elaborate spook house in his yard every year gets a new neighbor who does the same. Except, his new neighbor's spook house is loud and gory and the complete opposite of his refined and ghostly set up. That means war, with the entire neighbor watching. Funny as hell.
   
8. Friday the 31st (dir. Mike Mendez)
   My third favorite. A Jason-rip-off killed stalks and kills a teenage girl, but a UFO and tiny alien turn the tables. Very funny.
   
9. The Ransom of Rusty Rex (dir. Ryan Schifrin)
   Funny bit in which two a-holes kidnap a rich man's kid... except it ain't no kid.
   
10. Bad Seed (dir. Neil Marshall)
    A mutant jack-o-lantern goes on a head-eating rampage. A goofy ending to the proceedings.

Halloween (1978) directed by John Carpenter

As always, Halloween on Halloween. Random things I noticed this time out:

Donald Pleasence's accent is weird in this one. He's trying to speak with an American accent, but not very hard. It's actually pretty effective, giving the guy a strange manner of speaking to match his strange personality.

The dead leaves they spread on the grass in some scenes in order to make Southern California look like Illinois in autumn has the bizarre effect of making the movie seem slightly outside of reality. But, it's also a little like being able to see the zipper on the costume of a 1950s horror movie monster.

Right before being shot by Loomis, Michael's face is revealed when Laurie yanks his mask up. We can see he's a regular-looking young man. Why give us a glimpse of Michael's right at the end of his reign of terror? I think it was one final nudge to make the character as scary as possible. He starts by merely stalking. That escalates to hiding and jumping out of the shadows to murder. That is intensified by his apparent immunity to both pain and serious injury. Where can you go from there? You show that underneath the expressionless, ghostly mask lies a regular person. Michael could be anyone in your neighborhood. Beware.

And that's it for this year's Six Weeks! Thanks for reading!

October 9th

The Munsters: "Herman's Happy Valley" (1965) directed by Ezra Stone
More "The Monsters" with the elder daughter.  Herman buys 10 acres of what appears to be a ghost town set from a Western TV show.  It's supposed to be a scam but, of course, the Munsters love the place.  I love the image of Herman with toy six-shooters on his hips and a tiny cowboy hat atop his flat head.


The Munsters: "Hot Rod Herman" (1965) directed by Norman Abbott
Ah, finally, the famous Drag-u-la makes its appearance.  After Herman loses the Munster Coach in a drag race, Grandpa constructs a real drag racer out of a coffin and Herman kicks ass with it.  C'mon... it's a Frankenstein driving a race car made out of a coffin built by a Dracula... pure Halloween gold.  I also love that Rob Zombie managed to create a radio hit with an ode to this machine 33 years later.


The Munsters: "Herman's Raise" (1965) directed by Ezra Stone
The good: John Carradine as Herman's boss at the funeral parlor.  The bad: white guy doing a bad Asian stereotype as Herman's boss at the Chinese laundry.  The weird: a 7-foot-tall, green monster can get a new job every morning for a week.  The 1960s were strange.


The Munsters: "Yes, Galen, There Is a Herman" (1965) directed by Norman Abbott
I remember watching this one when I was a kid.  Herman finds a boy with his head trapped in a wrought iron fence. He frees him and tells the boy to call him "Uncle Herman."  Later, they hold hands as they walk to the Munster Mansion, where Herman takes the boy into the basement dungeon to watch Munster home movies.  Ah, the irony-free era.  Except for the racist shit (see above), it might be nice to live in such a time where snark and double entendre weren't at the forefront of everyone's thoughts.  Though, I can say that one of the benefits of becoming a parent is being able to appreciate these types of things through their innocent eyes.


Fertile Ground (2011) directed by Adam Gierasch
From the director of Horrorfest 2009's mediocre Autopsy, Gierasch's followup shows some improvement. Mainly, he's learned restraint.  There are no organs hanging from tubes in this film or mad scientists chasing twenty-somethings through a hospital.  This is a slow-builder about a couple who move to the country after the wife's devastating miscarriage.  They find a 150-year-old skeleton buried in their yard and learn of the dark history of their home.  Soon, the wife starts seeing ghosts in the house and begins to see a pattern in the house's history of murder.

Or so she thinks.  Exactly like The Innocents, there's a question as to whether she's really seeing ghosts or if she's insane.  In fact, this situation is so similar to The Innocents -- with the ghosts that only the woman can see and the hidden secret behind their appearances she's figured out -- I've gotta think Gierasch is a fan and this is an homage.  Inevitably, though, this film is going to suffer in comparison to that excellent movie.  While Leisha Hailey does a fantastic job in the role of the wife, everything else is not quite elevated above standard horror movie ghost story fare to make it interesting.  (6/10)

Red Dragon (2002) directed by Brett Ratner

Try as I might, I couldn't not think of Manhunter as I watched this.  While Red Dragon is closer to the novel, I still prefer the earlier film to the newer.  I don't think this is solely because I'm used to Manhunter.  I think -- no, I know -- Brett Ratner is a worse director than Michael Mann and you can see this in a comparison of the two movies.  

An example that struck me tonight was the scene in which they find a note from Dolarhyde in Lecter's cell.  There's a rush to take the note to the FBI, run all kinds of forensics tests on it and then hide it back in Lecter's cell before too much time has passed and he become suspicious.  In the earlier film, there's a wonderful sense of urgency as they fly the note to the FBI and carefully examine it with the clock ticking.  Characters keep asking for how much time they have left and the scenes are shot with lots of energy.  I felt none of this tension in Red Dragon.  Here, they even fake a power outage to give themselves even more time.  Then, the note is flown to the FBI, where people causally examine it in relatively static shots and no one seems to care how much time has passed.  And, while the note is returned in time, Red Dragon makes a point to show us that Lecter knows what has happened anyway.  Why?  There's no story reason for this.  It's purely because Hopkins' Lecter is a cartoony supervillain and cannot be shown to be anything other than omniscient.  There's a similar lack of energy and worship of Lecter throughout this film. (6/10)

6WH: October 21st

Autopsy (2008) directed by Adam Gierasch
A group of unlikable 20-somethings end up at a hospital in rural Louisiana. Shockingly, the people at the hospital aren't very nice and all but one of the kids is killed by the end of the movie. Pretty standard stuff done without much style. There's a vague attempt, I noticed, to do some Argento-esque colored lighting, but it's barely there.

A couple of things stood out. I always enjoy the T-1000 in whatever he's in. I buy him as a sort of non-frozen Mr. Freeze, trying to save his wife at the expense of others. Also a stand-out was the death of the main character's boyfriend. For some reason, the T-1000 felt the need to remove all of the man's organs from his chest cavity, suspend them in the air above him and keep them all hooked up with tubes so the man doesn't die. I don't think it would work in real life, but it sure looked cool. Other than that, this was mostly just 84 minutes of my life gone away. (5/10)




The Brøken (2008) directed by Sean Ellis
Whilst watching this film, I was completely intrigued. The movie is slow and loathe to reveal any details about its own plot. I was trying to figure out what was going on the entire time and enjoying it; movies without plot hand-holding are rare. At the end, though, we run into the big twist of the film. Now I'm not sure the movie actually makes much sense on reflection.

Turns out that Gina, whom we've been watching the entire movie, is actually one of the evil mirror people. The EMP have been slyly popping out of mirrors to kill and replace their normal duplicates throughout the movie. Gina notices right away when her boyfriend is replaced and is completely freaked out by him. But, why? She's an EMP herself. Shouldn't she know her own kind? More importantly, shouldn't the boyfriend know his own kind and not be such a dick to her? And, why would head trauma from a car accident cause an EMP to think they're a normal person? She's not a normal person and has never been one. And, why was she so freaked out to discover her normal duplicate's dead body? She's an EMP. That's what EMP do, apparently. I don't really understand.

I also don't understand what the EMP are doing in our world. This particular bit of not understanding, however, I like. The film makes no attempt to explain anything about the EMP or why they've decided to come to our world and scowl a lot. The movie is simply focused on one confused EMP. The rest is left deliciously up to the audience's speculation. Not many movies have the balls to leave such large questions hanging like that. I like it. (7/10)