6WH: October 26th

Dying Breed (2008) directed by Jody Dwyer
You know, I don't think I've ever seen Tasmania before. I watched a lot of PBS as a kid, but I don't ever remember seeing any video of this island (I don't think Bugs Bunny cartoons count). More than anything about this movie, I enjoyed seeing a place I've never seen before. It looks to me like Tasmania has a lot in common with the Pacific Northwest. Or, they could've just had some bad weather luck during their filming schedule, I suppose. It's beautiful, anyway.

I've discovered I have a low tolerance for stupidity in horror movies. If a main character makes an obviously idiotic choice -- like one does here by freaking out on the ground and refusing to run when there are crazy people in the area -- I lose all sympathy for them. Sympathy/empathy is the absolute key to a good horror movie. For something to scare or disturb you, you're going to need to empathize with the folks being harmed on screen. Lacking that, you're essentially watching the movie with the mindset of a psychopath, waiting for the morons to be offed.

Watching this, yet another movie about redneck cannibals, I thought of a question I'd like to ask these fictional murderers. Why don't cannibals in horror movies want to cook their food before eating it? Seriously. I'm a carnivore, but I'd never grab a live chicken and start chewing on it. What about all of the diseases people carry around? The main cannibal in this movie eats the lips off of a girl's face. What if he just ate a mouthful of herpes sores? I don't buy that these folks survived a century by eating humans in such a reckless manner... (6/10)




From Within (2008) directed by Phedon Papamichael
This is the second evil doppelganger movie of Horrorfest 2008. You know, this monster concept really doesn't work for me. I can't think of anything less scary than myself. If I were to see my evil twin, I think I'd be more apt to ask him questions than to run. Luckily for this movie, the evil doppelganger ghost part isn't terribly important. In fact, I like the way it was handled. Ostensibly, the evil doppelgangers are the result of a black magic spell that makes it look like people are committing suicide. However, they can just as easily be seen as some sort of contagious psychological condition.

The movies pits the population of a heavily Christian town against a family they think (correctly, as it turns out) are causing a wave of suicides through witchcraft. I always dig a good clash of religions movie (The Wicker Man being the king of these). Surprisingly, this is the first time I've ever seen a megachurch in a horror movie. I think the idea of those places is scary. Particularly, the idea of a charasmatic preacher pursuading his flock of thousands to commit evil. Sadly, that's not really what happens in this film.

I also liked the twist ending in this flick. We think that the last of the witch family has committed a noble suicide in order to end the evil spell his brother cast. Instead, it turns out, he was shot by the son of the megachurch's preacher before he was able to kill himself. This ensures that the curse continues and the movie ends with a montage of the post-suicide occupants of the town. It's an almost Carpenterian apocalyptic ending.

Not the greatest horror movie of all time, but I enjoyed it. (7/10)

6WH: October 25th

The final week of Halloween begins. Man, time flies when it's your favorite season.

Tales from the Darkside: "I'll Give You a Million" (1984) directed by John Harrison
A couple of evil businessmen make a deal that one will buy the other's soul for $1 million. Turns out, the devil loves collecting the souls of evil business men. When the seller dies, he grabs the seller's soul before the buyer collects. The shock of witnessing this gives the buyer a fatal heart attack and the devil grabs his soul as well. It's an all right EC comics-style episode. (6/10)


The Stepfather (1987) directed by Joseph Ruben
I love horror remakes. Not because I like to watch them -- most of them are wastes of time -- but because they almost always herald a special edition DVD/BD release of the original movie. It's even better when, like The Stepfather, the movie's never been released at all. It's been years since I've watched this one on VHS back in high school. It must have made some kind of impression on me, as I bought the new DVD without a thought.

I think the impression made came mostly from Terry O'Quinn, who turns in an excellent performance. O'Quinn as Blake actually only kills two people onscreen. Much more interesting is watching Blake struggle to contain his insanity/anger as his new family falls short of the '50s TV family ideal in his head. Some of the subtle things he does will his facial expressions nail the character of a sociopath. (7/10)

6WH: October 24th

The Butterfly Effect 2 (2006) directed by John R. Leonetti
I had no intention of ever watching this movie. I wasn't terribly impressed with the original, which I thought had a great premise with ham-handed execution. But, Horrorfest 2008 selected part 3 as one of their 8 films, so I pretty much had to catch myself up before getting to that one. Not that this movie has anything to do with the ones before or after it. Which was appreciated; the premise doesn't require that the stories connect, so shoe-horning a reference to Ashton Kutcher would've been distracting and unnecessary.

In this one, a young businessman loses his girlfriend and best friends in a car accident. A year later, he figures out he has the power to jump back into previous parts of his life just by staring at a photo of that time. Naturally, the more he tries to fix the past, the worse things become. The bad stuff that happens when he changes the past isn't quite as ridiculous as in the original. No one is instantly transformed into a crack whore or has all of their limbs amputated here. In fact, things just go mildly wrong for the main character until the end. That coupled with some bland characters and a not-too-interesting plot about a struggling tech company make for a rather unmemorable film. (5/10)




The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations (2009) directed by Seth Grossman
This is the first movie I've seen made with the help of the new Michigan Film Office. Most of this movie was shot in Detroit. I've always thought the spookily deserted parts of Detroit would make a great location for a horror movie. Anyway, as a Michigan native, I can't help like this one more than I should.

This time, the time jumper is fully aware of his gift and its dangers. He uses it to identify murderers for the police (pretending to be a police psychic), but never tries to prevent the killings himself. All he does is watch. Of course, the temptation to look into his own girlfriend's murder is too strong. Soon enough, he's messing up the timeline and making things much worse by accidentally creating a serial killer.

His attempts to track down this serial killer is pretty engaging. He becomes more obsessed with each time jump. And, since he keeps showing up at the crime scenes in the past, he quickly makes himself the police's number one suspect. I have to say the mystery of all this kept me guessing until the end. The revelation was a little disappointing, sadly. Turns out his sister has the same power and has been using it to kill his girlfriends. Turns out she has an incestuous crush on him ever since he saved her life as child. That all seems to come out of nowhere. If there'd been hints that something wasn't quite kosher in their relationship before this is revealed, it may have been more acceptable. As it is, it seems a little random.

Speaking of the sister, she was driving me nuts the entire movie. I knew I'd seen her recently in another movie, but couldn't place her. Actually, Rachel Miner seems to be the queen of Horrorest. She was in Penny Dreadful in 2006 and Tooth & Nail in 2007. I wonder which Horrorfest movie she'll be in this year?

It's very rare thing for second sequel to be better than the preceding movies, but here it is. (7/10)

6WH: October 23rd

J returns for week 5. Without the slightly sensitive C coming, it's our chance to pop in Inside after the missus goes to bed.

The Fly (1958) trailer
The Fly (1986) trailer
The Simpsons: "Treehouse of Horror VIII: Fly vs Fly"


Tales from the Crypt: "Forever Ambregis" (1993) directed by Gary Fleder
Roger Daltrey tries and fails to steal Steve Buscemi's hot girlfriend... only in Tales from the Crypt land. Also only in this land is some disease transmission that works at the speed of plot. Said disease does cause some fantastic melt-down special F/X, sort of like if Troma had a larger budget to work with during Class of Nuke 'Em High. It's all good Crypt fun. (7/10)


A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) trailer
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) trailer
The Simpsons: "Treehouse of Horror VI: Nightmare on Evergreen Ter."


An American Werewolf in London (1981) directed by John Landis
Whatever I may think of the director, I can't deny that this is the best werewolf movie ever made (though, admittedly, I cannot remember anything about The Howling). Some may complain about the humor in the film, preferring a more serious werewolf movie. However, the humor is never silly and doesn't diminish the seriousness of the plot. It simply arises naturally from the rather unusual situation David finds himself in, talking to ghosts and changing into an animal.

Folks usually praise the werewolf transformation -- which rightly earned Rick Baker an Oscar -- but I think the make-up job he does on the victims is even better. Jack's transformation from fresh corpse to not-so-fresh corpse sports some of the best gore make-up ever. I think it's the dangly bit of skin on Jack's neck that wiggles when he talks that pushes it over the edge.

If I had any complaints, it's that the film seemed like it might focus on the investigations of the Scotland Yard detectives and David's doctor a little more than it did. They're sort of set up to unravel the mystery of the killer who attacked David, but this is all dropped in order to focus on the werewolf attack in Piccadilly Circus. It's a minor complaint; I'd probably rather stick with David's adventures in wolfdom, anyway. (8/10)




Dolls (1986) trailer
Dollman vs Demonic Toys (1993) trailer
The Simpsons: "Treehouse of Horror III: Clown Without Pity"


Inside (2007) directed by Alexandre Bustillo & Julien Maury
What if an American slasher movie, instead of Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees, had a woman as brutal and insane as Asami from Audition in it? This film is pretty close to what you'd get, I think. The story is relatively simple. A recently widowed, pregnant woman is attacked in her home by a crazy lady who wants her baby. Immediately. What follows is a savage battle between the two women.

Unlike an American slasher, however, the victim in the film doesn't fight back very effectively. She spends most of the movie hiding in her bathroom. When her anger finally replaces her fear, she tries and mostly fails to disable her attacker, then gets a toaster in the face. This is frustrating, perhaps because it plays with our expectations of these types of movies. We've come to expect and savor the cathartic pleasure of the victim harming her tormentor. We get that a little bit in this film, when the crazy lady is burned terribly in the face, but it is brief and not repeated.

The police in the film are so ridiculously stupid, it distracts from the movie. One officer hears gunfire coming from inside of the house. Does he first call for backup? Nope. He grabs a kid he arrested earlier in the night, chains him up, and they both rush into the house. Later, he gives the kid a weapon, but leaves him chained up. Their fates inside of the house can hardly be unexpected. I suppose this was a way to generate more people for the crazy lady to kill, but it could've been handled better.

One bit that I did think was well-done were the repeated shots of the fetus. We're shown the fetus being jostled and bumped around as the mother is attacked. It's a clever way of reminding us that their are two victims to worry about.

Ultimately, I'm not really sure what the point of this movie is, other than the shock people. It does play with the slasher formula in some original ways, but it's also equal parts frustrating. It does contain some things I can't say I've ever seen before in a horror movie, so there's that. (7/10)

Lil K's Job at Daycare is Producing These

6WH: October 22nd

Drag Me to Hell: Unrated Director's Cut (2009) directed by Sam Raimi
I was skeptical. It's been 22 years since Raimi did a real horror movie and he's never made one without Bruce. I have to admit, he did all right. Similar to Evil Dead 2, the main character Christine takes a lot of abuse that we're expected to laugh at. Numerous gross items -- flies, maggots, flem -- end up spilling into her mouth, her nose spontaneously sprays blood all over her boss, she has to swim around with a corpse in an open grave and there's a running gag where the gypsy -- both dead and alive -- rips clumps of her hair out. It's all in Ash-style fun. Similarly, the trademarked "Raimi cam" shots make several appearances, the gypsy acts somewhat like a deadite when she's pissed and, of course, both Raimi's Delta 88 and his brother Ted show up.

That might all sound tedious, like Raimi's making another Evil Dead movie in all but name. On the contrary, it was refreshing to watch something that was somewhat of a throwback in an era of Hostels and Saws. It's just a good, old-school, gooey, mostly practical F/X, possessed-people, gypsy-cursed horror flick. Though there's plenty to laugh at in the film, I'd peg it as a more serious horror movie that ED2, leaning towards ED1's style.

I have to admit, the ending caught me by surprise. Not the part where the coin and the button got mixed up -- something so obvious, my wife got pissed at the movie and hated it from the second the envelope fell out of Christine's purse -- and not the fact that the demon was not truly defeated. I was surprised that the pretty girl was the one ending up being dragged to hell. I completely expected the boyfriend to be the unfortunate soul. I was assuming losing the button in his car and him picking it up constituted an ownership change. Christine having to live with the guilt that her nice boyfriend is tortured for eternity seemed like the ending most horror movies would go for. I like that this one fooled me. I suppose the fact that a little boy gets dragged to hell in the beginning should've clued me in to Raimi's dark streak, but I missed it. (8/10)

6WH: October 21st

Autopsy (2008) directed by Adam Gierasch
A group of unlikable 20-somethings end up at a hospital in rural Louisiana. Shockingly, the people at the hospital aren't very nice and all but one of the kids is killed by the end of the movie. Pretty standard stuff done without much style. There's a vague attempt, I noticed, to do some Argento-esque colored lighting, but it's barely there.

A couple of things stood out. I always enjoy the T-1000 in whatever he's in. I buy him as a sort of non-frozen Mr. Freeze, trying to save his wife at the expense of others. Also a stand-out was the death of the main character's boyfriend. For some reason, the T-1000 felt the need to remove all of the man's organs from his chest cavity, suspend them in the air above him and keep them all hooked up with tubes so the man doesn't die. I don't think it would work in real life, but it sure looked cool. Other than that, this was mostly just 84 minutes of my life gone away. (5/10)




The Brøken (2008) directed by Sean Ellis
Whilst watching this film, I was completely intrigued. The movie is slow and loathe to reveal any details about its own plot. I was trying to figure out what was going on the entire time and enjoying it; movies without plot hand-holding are rare. At the end, though, we run into the big twist of the film. Now I'm not sure the movie actually makes much sense on reflection.

Turns out that Gina, whom we've been watching the entire movie, is actually one of the evil mirror people. The EMP have been slyly popping out of mirrors to kill and replace their normal duplicates throughout the movie. Gina notices right away when her boyfriend is replaced and is completely freaked out by him. But, why? She's an EMP herself. Shouldn't she know her own kind? More importantly, shouldn't the boyfriend know his own kind and not be such a dick to her? And, why would head trauma from a car accident cause an EMP to think they're a normal person? She's not a normal person and has never been one. And, why was she so freaked out to discover her normal duplicate's dead body? She's an EMP. That's what EMP do, apparently. I don't really understand.

I also don't understand what the EMP are doing in our world. This particular bit of not understanding, however, I like. The film makes no attempt to explain anything about the EMP or why they've decided to come to our world and scowl a lot. The movie is simply focused on one confused EMP. The rest is left deliciously up to the audience's speculation. Not many movies have the balls to leave such large questions hanging like that. I like it. (7/10)

6WH: October 20th

Dog Soldiers (2002) directed by Neil Marshall
I felt myself slightly bored whilst watching this one. At the time, I couldn't say why. Now I think it was due to how derivative everything in the film was. Most of the film is a bunch of guys trapped in a house, trying to keep the werewolves out. From Night of the Living Dead to Straw Dogs, I've seen this scenario too many times for it to be interesting unless something unique is done with it. Nothing unique is done here. A couple of the guys inside are scratched by the werewolves. Guess what they transform into later? Some of the guys give their lives heroically for the others. One of the guys was a part of an evil government project to catch a werewolf. One of the characters is even named Bruce Campbell. Lots of been-there, done-that in this one.

I think the werewolf design is kind of cool. At first, they look ridiculous. They're very tall, very lanky and have huge wolf heads. They sort of look like Jim Henson's idea of a werewolf. But, at least it's a different take on the design. We've already seen the Wolf Man, mostly human, take and the American Werewolf, mostly wolf, take. Something different is good. (6/10)

6WH: October 19th

Dark Country (2009) directed by Thomas Jane
Sometimes it seems like first time directors are so excited to be directing a film that they throw every film trick they can think of into their movie. Canted angles, chiaroscuro lighting, colored lighting, "creative" scene transitions, racking focus, tons close-ups on inanimate objects... you can see their enthusiasm in every frame. All of this excitement, though kind of fun to observe, can make the movie feel visually cluttered. This is especially true for the beginning section of this film. You can just about picture Jane talking to his DP, trying to figure out a non-standard shot for each scene.

Once the characters get out onto the desert road at night, things calm down a little. Not completely, however. It looks like the desert scenes were shot using green screen. Everything seems to have a black border around it, separating it from the background, kind of like a cartoon. One the one hand, it makes the movie look a bit cheap. On the other hand, it's actually kind of surreal. This look seems to work for a movie about weird things happening while driving through the desert at night. The closest comparison I can think of is if Sin City were shot in color and never cut to those stark no gray-tone shots.

Storywise, this is essentially a Twilight Zone / Night Gallery episode stretched out to ninety minutes. A couple finds a badly injured man on a desert highway at night. He gets a little nutty and tries to choke the husband. The husband kills him with a rock and the couple bury him in the middle of the desert. Some craziness ensues, including Ron Perlman as a police officer. Turns out, the injured man was really the husband and there's either some kind of time looping going on, or we're witnessing a psychological break on the part of the main character. Actually, that's not too unlike Lost Highway in either regard.

Anyway, as far as these type of things go, I liked it, but Bill Paxton got you beat, buddy. (7/10)

6WH: October 18th

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (2006) directed by Tom Tykwer
I was quite surprised when I heard someone was going to make a movie out of the novel. It tells the tale of a man born with a superhuman sense of smell. Smell isn't exactly an easy sense to convey in the audio-visual world of film (barring, of course, strange experiments from the 1960s). It requires a bit more work than a normal film from the audience. In a strange way, watching this movie is closer to the experience of reading the novel than most film adaptions; both require plenty of imagination to fill in the sensory gaps.

The bits that don't require imagination are, for the most part, excellent. Ben Whishaw does a wonderful job with his character. He plays a man who rarely speaks, experiences the world through his nose, has little regard for other people and still manages to the carry the movie by himself for most of the way. I was less impressed with Dustin Hoffman. Maybe it was just me, but I couldn't see him as anything other than Dustin Hoffman in a powdered wig using a bad accent. The cinematography is beautiful and the attention to detail is impressive. The orgy scene at the end suffered, I suspect, due to the producers aiming for an R-rating. It got the point across, nevertheless. An excellent adaption of the source material. (8/10)

6WH: October 17th

Chef Gregory joins us for a second night of horror movies. Aided by some take-out Indian food, Korean snack cakes and some mulled apple cider (yeah, weird), we ventured into horrorland:

Vampire Wars: Battle for the Universe (2005) trailer
Basket Case (1981) trailer
Merrie Melodies: "Hair-Raising Hare" (1946)


Tales from the Crypt: "As Ye Sow" (1993) directed by Kyle MacLachlan
Nothing surprising here as far as Crypt stories go. A man suspects that his wife is cheating on him. He hires a detective who fingers the priest at her church. He hires a hitman to take the priest out in front of her to teach her a lesson. That this man ends up dressed as a priest, in the church and with his wife when the hitman shows up can't really surprise anyone very much. More interesting to me is that Special Agent Dale Cooper directed this episode. He never got a shot to sit in the chair on Twin Peaks since it was canceled so quickly. Looks like he didn't like the job so well, as this was his first and last directing credit. (6/10)


Blood Spattered Bride / I Dismember Mama (1974) trailer
Thanksgiving (2007) fake trailer
Johnny Bravo: "Frankenbravo" (2001)


Trick 'r Treat (2007) directed by Michael Dougherty
It was a full two years ago that I showed Chef Gregory the trailer for this. "That was cool! When's it coming out?" I remember him asking. Little did we know it'd be 24 months later before we'd be able to watch it. Was it worth the wait? Can it possibly stand aside Carpenter's Halloween as an all-time Halloween classic? I'm not sure I can answer that. I think I'm going to need to watch it again to really know how I feel about the film as a whole.

I do know that there are aspects of the movie I like quite a bit. I love that it boldly attempts to add to the mythology of the holiday by way of the "rules of Halloween":

1. Wear a costume
2. Hand out treats
3. Never blow out a jack-o-lantern
   
4. Always check your candy

In most of the stories in this anthology, breaking these rules results in your brutal death. I liked that the stories intersected with each other -- though it sometimes feels like the lady in the robot costume is everywhere -- and that the stories leap around Pulp Fiction-style in time. I think the atmosphere presented in the movie captures the spirit of Halloween nicely (I'm glad this film doesn't look like summer in California with fake leaves being throw from off screen!).

I'm not sure I understand the point of the comic book stuff. The beginning credits suggest the film is really a story in a comic book and the transitions between the stories use comic-style "Earlier..." and "Later than night..." captions. I suppose, like the ill-conceived director's cut of The Warriors, it was meant to spin the movie as a not-so-serious slice of fun. Why the comic format should suggest this in a world with Maus and The Sandman, I'm not sure. I don't think it was necessary here, anyway. This film should be able to stand as a film without having to reference other artistic media.

I liked the movie, but I wasn't as wowed by it as I was hoping. Maybe the long wait and nigh-universal high reviews ruined it for me, but I don't think I'll be able to tell if this is a holiday classic until I've seen it again. Maybe I'll pop it in again on October 31st and see if it affects me differently? Still, I feel like I can't rate it less than: (8/10)




Season's Greetings (1996)
Surf Nazis Must Die (1987) trailer
The Curious Dr. Humpp (1971) trailer
The Simpsons: "Treehouse of Horror IV: The Devil and Homer Simpson" (1993)


Deadgirl (2008) directed by Marcel Sarmiento & Gadi Harel
Chef Gregory and I agreed: better than we expected it to be. I thought this movie was going to be a lot goofier due to the fact that it was written by the man who wrote Citizen Toxie. It's actually a fairly serious examination of how power and sex warp people's thinking. A couple of high school students wander into an abandoned mental hospital and discover a nude woman chained to a table in the basement. It turns out she's a zombie. One of the kids decides to keep her there as a plaything. The other is disgusted by the idea. Their conflict drives the rest of the movie, which also involves asshole jocks, unrequited love and what use rotten bullet holes in a living dead woman have. Disturbing and thought-provoking. (8/10)

Poe Celebrating Halloween

6WH: October 16th

Chef Gregory drove down this weekend for his annual visit and we managed to squeeze in a horror movie in-between solving Contra for the first time in twenty years and jumping around in Blaster Master.

Cloverfield (2008) directed by Matt Reeves
I love this movie. I think it's a modern classic. Perhaps I would feel differently if I'd seen it in the theater or had a larger TV, but the shaky cam stuff does not bother me in the least. I think the civilian, ground's eye view of a Godzilla attack was something that was missing from the genre that we hadn't realized. I like the design of the critter just fine. I think dumb-but-lovable Hud as the cameraman was a great choice that allowed for some tension-relieving jokes to be told in an otherwise dire movie. I like that nothing was explained about the beast. I think the actors created believable twenty-somethings, with perhaps the exception of Marlena's decision not to leave the group when she had the chance. Then again, the last time to she followed the military's orders for evacuation she was almost killed on the Brooklyn Bridge. And, I'm glad I was relatively disconnected from the marketing this movie had before it was released. It seems to me that the ultra-hype the movie generated before it came out backfired, causing folks to react more negatively to the film than they otherwise might have. That, or the shaky cam on the big screen made them sick. (9/10)




Metalocalypse: "Religionklok" (2006)

6WH: October 15th

Frontière(s): Unrated Director's Cut (2007) directed by Xavier Gens
France takes a whack at the Chain Saw Massacre theme with Frontier(s). I dunno. Maybe it's because this is the third movie this season I've seen involving Achilles tendon trauma, but it all felt rather been-there-done-that to me. However, there's a couple of gore gags near the end of the film that I thought were really cool. One involves Samuel Le Bihan (from Brotherhood of the Wolf!) getting shoved onto a table saw. Best table saw gag ever. Gallons of blood spew into the heroine's face as the blade continues to spin in the body even though the man is dead. The other follows closely and involves a head explosion rivaling that of the one in Scanners. Once the filmmakers take the leash of and start to have fun with things -- rather than trying to shoehorn some kind of political commentary in the film -- the movie starts to pick up. That happens a bit too late to really save the film for me, though. (6/10)

That's it for the Horrorfest 2007 movies. I had just about the same experience with this batch as I did with the ones from 2006. One movie I respect but have no desire to watch again (Borderland / The Abandoned). One movie I thought was cool enough that I'd buy it when I saw it for sale cheap (Mulberry Street / Dark Ride). One that had a lot of promise but ultimately disappointed (The Deaths of Ian Stone / The Tripper). And the rest vary between mediocre and utter crap. It took me a little longer than I wanted to get through this set. I think I'm still going to try to get the Horrorfest 2008 movies done before the end of Halloween this year. It would be nice to be caught for next year. So far in general, I'm doing a fantastic job of catching up on this decade's horror movies that I've missed. For some reason, I haven't been too keen on renting lots of horror in the 00s.

6WH: October 14th

The Wolf Man (1941) directed by George Waggner
I have to admit, I picked this Universal horror movie to watch mostly because the trailer for the remake gave me a taste for it. That, and all the cool kids are watching Universal horror movies this Halloween. You've gotta love Lon Chaney Jr. as Larry Talbot in this movie. He's just this damned nice guy who has some really rotten luck. All Larry wants to do is reintegrate into his old home town and get to know the folks living there. Instead, he's almost immediately bit by a werewolf and accused of murder, causing the whole town to hate and fear him. In the end, his dad has to beat him to death with a silver-tipped cane. Pretty grim stuff. I think it's a law that werewolf movies can never end well for the werewolf, no matter how likable. (7/10)

6WH: October 13th

Låt den rätte komma in (2008) directed by Tomas Alfredson
Let the Right One In, I kept reading online, is one of the best vampire movies ever made. Needless to say, I was really looking forward to watching it. I like a good vampire flick. I'd peg Near Dark as my favorite, with Martin a close second. Sadly, after watching it, I won't be adding Let the Right One In to my movie collection, much less considering it a favorite.

It's a cruel thing to write, but LtROI is a bit of a pre-teen Twilight. It's no where near as bad a movie as that piece of crap, but it certainly shares some plot similarities. A pair of lonely souls find each other. One happens to be an old vampire, and the vampire has to struggle not to eat the young human. The pair share lots of plaintive, silent glances with each other. They enjoy sexlessly sleeping next to each other at night. In the end, the vampire defends the human's life from other evil people and they go off to live happily ever after (maybe).

The major difference between the two films, I think, is the bullying plot thread in LtROI. I think this, in part, accounts for the strong love LtROI is getting from the online community. Being made up of more geeks than the average population, folks online can relate to being bullied as kids (note: I'm not excepting myself from this). And, in the film, except for the very last bullying incident, it's portrayed very realistically. Oskar takes the punishment, hates it, wishes he could harm his bullies, but never tells anyone. That's pretty much what kids do -- or did when I was his age, anyway. It's kind of an easy button to push to gain sympathy for your main character, but it does allow us to understand why Oskar has so little problem with Eli murdering people for food.

The crotch shot scene should've been cut. Among other reasons I can think of, it's unnecessarily confusing to anyone who hasn't read the novel. It's supposed to show that Eli is a castrated boy, which is supposed to make Oskar's love for him more remarkable. What I saw was a set set of rubber legs lacking any genitals and with what looked like a horizontal scratch south of the belly button. Logically, not having read the book, I concluded that vampires in this universe don't have private parts at all. I was waiting for this to tie into something in the movie later on, but it was ignored. I had to go online to find out what the hell the point of the scene was. Perhaps not a great adaption choice on the part of the screenwriter.

In the movie's defense, it allows itself to be read a couple of different ways, which I love. You can see the movie as a simple romance: despite their great differences, Oskar and Eli found love in each other and hold onto it no matter what. I read it differently. Eli, we can't forget, is much older than he looks. The movie actually reminds us of this in one scene, where Eli's face briefly transforms into that of an old woman. As such, I think his relationship with Oskar is selfish and manipulative.

I think that Håkan was Eli's previous Oskar. Years ago, he was probably someone Eli seduced/bonded with in order to get human help. Stockholm has 18 hours of daylight in the middle of summer. A vampire there is going to need a regular human to make sure no one opens any curtains on them while they sleep, etc. Håkan also kills people for Eli. This is a task you can see Eli grooming Oskar for, as he first encourages Oskar to hit his bullies harder than he thinks possible and later speaks to him about killing people. I think picking a human on the verge of puberty, close to his apparent age, is an easy way for Eli to gain the help he needs for 50-60 more years. Evil perhaps, but I don't think bullied and lonely Oskar minds so much. (7/10)

6WH: October 12th

Unearthed (2007) directed by Matthew Leutwyler
How did a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie sneak into Horrorfest? Okay, though it has no connection to the Sci-Fi Channel -- er, I'm mean Siffy -- Unearthed would feel right at home next to Mansquito and Lake Placid 2. It has a crappy CGI monster -- who looks like a cross between a xenomorph and an iz -- that terrorizes some pretty people in a remote town. That's pretty much the plot of all those "SyFy" movies. There's a vague attempt at some characterization with the sheriff -- she's a drunk who accidentally shot a little girl -- but everyone else in the film is either fodder for the beast or an exposition spouter (or both). They even cast Charlie Murphy and didn't bother giving him anything cool to do before he was killed off. I knew I was in for a bad flick the first time I checked the elapsed time and only twenty minutes had passed. Outside of a couple of cool gore effects -- Charlie Murphy's split head was kinda neat -- there's absolutely nothing special about this movie. (4/10)

6WH: October 11th

Week 4 begins... the halfway point of Halloween season.

Silver Bullet (1985) directed by Daniel Attias
This would be a great first "real" horror movie for a kid. Aged ten or eleven, I'm thinking, would be a good Silver Bullet age (about the same as the main character). Though it's rated R, it's really not excessively gory. Well, there's some werewolf scratchin' and punching of heads off, but it's all sufficiently rubbery-looking to not be too scary. Plus, as I mentioned, the main character is a kid, himself. Stephen King always writes children really well. Marty in the movie, though paralyzed, gets to do all kinds of cool stuff 11-year-olds dream of: shooing off illegal fireworks, racing around on a custom motorcycle, climbing out the window in the middle of the night to have fun, shooting a werewolf with a silver bullet... And, I suppose, in the end this film teaches the valuable lesson that not all priests are kind to children. Can't learn that one soon enough. (7/10)

6WH: October 10th

Week 3 ends with Mrs. K and I venturing to the theater. Later, we'd watch a film with my mother... always hard to pick a horror movie when that happens.

Zombieland (2009) directed by Ruben Fleisher
A bucket of fun. More of a comedy than a zombie film (whereas I might say the opposite about Shaun of the Dead). Sure, the story, when you boil it down, is pretty Hollywood-standard: lost souls wind up together by accident, dislike each other at first and then end up as a happy family. I know, I'm aware that amusement park rides require an operator and don't just go on their own once they sense someone sitting in them. Yeah, a certain actor in a cameo isn't really as rich as they made him out to be. Doesn't matter. This stuff is in the film to drive the fun, not to make sense.

There are lot of good bits stuffed into the picture. I loved Tallahassee's quest for a Twinkie and Columbus' quest to simply push stray hair behind a girl's ear. The zombies were of the fast type, but this okay due to both the awesome slo-mo shots of them chasing food (especially the stripper zombie) and so that Columbus could have his amusing cardio rule. The scene in which the four main characters have a blast trashing a highway tourist shop struck me as unique. In these zombie apocalypse films, I can't recall anyone ever just having fun with the situation (at least, without the scene ending in someone getting bitten or eaten). That was nice. That's one thing I would do myself if zombies were everywhere.

It's not exactly a deep reflection on the end of the world, but it is one of the funniest horror-comedies I've seen. (8/10)




Creepshow (1982) trailer
The Shining (1980) fake trailer
Michael Jackson: "Thriller" (1983)


Bubba Ho-tep (2002) directed by Don Coscarelli
I hadn't seen this in while and it seemed like something mom might possibly get a kick out of. Of course, I'd forgotten how much Elvis talks about his pecker throughout. Ostensibly about a mummy who eats the souls of old people in a rest home, this really isn't much of a monster movie. It's more of a comedic mediation on old age. Most of the movie has little to do with the title character; it's Elvis ruminating on what it means to have lived so long you're about to die of old age. As such, it's not exactly the most exciting mummy movie ever made. You have to be a certain frame of mind to enjoy this one, I think. I suppose this is the frame of mind that finds the idea of a mummy writing dirty graffiti on the wall of a toilet stall while taking a dump amusing. Afterward, mom expressed disbelief such a thing was ever shown in real theaters, stating "that was a weird movie." (7/10)




Book of Blood (2008) directed by John Harrison
After everyone was asleep, I popped in this Netflix acquisition. I read the short stories this was based on so long ago, I had no idea what it was going to be about. It was sort of Clive Barker's version of Poltergeist, in a way. Very much in line with Barker's style, it mixed horror, sexuality and metaphysics as it told the story of a college professor investigating a haunted house. Turns out the house exists at an intersection of a ghost highway, where their realm and ours mix. Turns out also that the ghosts are really sensitive to people messing with them, going so far as to rip the faces off of teenage girls performing seances. It's a bit slow-paced in the middle when the ghosts aren't doing any real harm to people, but I dug this one. (7/10)

Pumpkin Guarding the Steps

6WH: October 9th

The Mist (Black & White) (2007) directed by Frank Darabont
I was skeptical of the idea, which is why I watched the color version first, but I now agree with the director that the black & white version is better. In his intro, Darabont kept mentioning how it reminded him of the B&W '60s horror movies he saw as a kid. I'd go back further than that; I kept think of the '30s and '40s Universal horror movies. The starkness of the image gives it that classic feel. It could just as easily be the wolfman emerging from the fog as an interdimensional monster. The mist itself looks really good in grayscale, as well. Now it seem as though its swallow the color and life out of everything. B&W also helps to hide the fakeness of the CGI, which is a nice bonus. (8/10)

6WH: October 8th

Tooth & Nail (2007) directed by Mark Young
I really wanted to like this one. Post-apocalyptic stories are among my favorite. Sadly, the movie kept failing at everything it tried. The cause of the post-apocalypse was unique -- as far as I know -- for these types of movies: our oil ran out. However, this has absolutely no bearing on the rest of the film. The cause could've been a virus, a nuclear war, a meteor or global warming and nothing would've been different. I suspect the director/writer just wanted to be the first to make a film with this particular apocalyptic idea as the back drop.

The movie's really about a gang of cannibals who snatch people one by one from the hospital they're holed up in. That's all fine. Unfortunately, we never get to really know most of the characters who are killed, making their deaths lack any impact at all. Similarly, two of the cannibals are played by the awesome Michael Madsen and Vinnie Jones, but they're used far too little. Madsen is killed very early on. Jones runs around the halls chasing a little girl until she locks him in a closet. It's disappointing. The rest of the cannibals are just generic big-guy scary-dudes.

Worst, the movie is really just a re-skinned Aliens. The cannibals are the xenomorphs, chasing people through dark hallways in a hospital that replaces the colony on LV-426. Lead, female cannibal Neon is the queen xenomorph. Mute, teenaged Nova is clearly Newt's clone. Rescuing Nova/Newt from the cannibals/aliens is Dakota, standing in for Ripley. Dakota starts off weak but eventually toughens up to battle the monsters at the end, including spouting a pithy line at Neon/the queen that has the word "bitch" in it. One minor difference here is that Viper/Hicks dies, but the character performs the same function at the end of the film. If you're gonna rip off one of the best sci-fi flicks of all time, you're gonna have to do better than this. (5/10)

6WH: October 7th

Nightmare Man (2006) directed by Rolfe Kanefsky
Afterward, I was not at all surprised to discover that the director had lots of experience directing soft core. Though there isn't a lot of nudity in this slasher flick, it just has that skinemax feel to it. The bad acting and the amateurish way it was shot has a lot to do with this feeling. The movie doesn't take itself too seriously, but it's not wacky enough to be a fun-bad B-movie. Rather, it's mostly Troma vet Tiffany Shepis making wisecracks whilst chewing scenery. Admittedly it's pretty damned funny to behold the Nightmare Man when he takes possession of a girl wearing only a bra and panties. Something about a demon face on an otherwise normal lingerie-wearing woman is hard to look away from. (6/10)

6WH: October 6th

I finished Eternal Darkness. It took me about 12 hours, according to the in-game clock, which seems to be reasonable for this sort of game. Speaking as someone who just finished reading every scrap of fiction he wrote, this is the best H.P. Lovecraft-inspired game I've ever played.

What makes it so, more than any other bit, is the oft-praised insanity meter. Every time you see a monster, a little bit of you sanity goes away. Once it gets low enough, the game attempts to damage the player's sanity. Suddenly, the screen will go black with just the word "VIDEO" in the corner, as if the video signal was lost. In the soundtrack, you hear the sounds of your character being attacked and killed... only for everything to snap back to normal. Or, you'll enter room and realize you seem to be walking on the ceiling. Or, you'll go to save you progress only to have the game pretend to delete your save file. The insanity effects are very fun and there's a surprising number of them. I saw some new ones on this, my second time through. Nintendo even patented the idea.

Outside of the sanity stuff, it's a solid adventure / horror game. The combat is far better than anything in a Silent Hill or Resident Evil. You can target specific body parts if you choose, making it simply to chop zombie heads off. One complaint might be that the game is too easy, though some of the puzzles had me stumped for a while. On to Resident Evil 4 next!

Shaun of the Dead (2004) directed by Edgar Wright
The second zombie movie I got my wife to watch this season... with slow zombies, even! I hadn't seen this one since it was in theaters. Then, I thought it was OK, but wasn't laughing up a storm as others seemed to be. The second time around, it was much funnier. I gotta say, I was also impressed with the amount of realistic crying Simon Pegg does in this one. There's some real heart in the film amongst the dry British humor. (8/10)

6WH: October 5th

Le pacte des loups: Director's Cut (2001) directed by Christophe Gans
Brotherhood of the Wolf probably doesn't qualify as a horror movie, but a film about a "beast" terrorizing a village in pre-revolutionary France gets pretty close. It's a beautiful movie, with mist-covered French countryside, a castle and elaborate period costumes. I found it easy to fall into to film, which was helpful given the 2.5 hour runtime.

At the worst, my only complaints would be about the kung-fu fighting and one of the plot points. The fighting -- though very well done -- doesn't really feel like it fits in the 18th century setting. I don't think people generally did lots of flips and roundhouse kicks when brawling back then. I could be wrong. It all looked cool, anyway. Also, one of the plot points towards the end of the film is bit repetitive / manipulative. We're made to think that Marianne has died, leaving Grégoire alone. This happens shortly after we're fooled into thinking Grégoire has been poisoned in prison. Once is fine, but twice in the same movie is pushing things.

Other than that, the film is pleasure to behold. (8/10)

6WH: October 4th

Week 3 begins...

Mulberry Street (2007) directed by Jim MickleIt's about rat people attacking Manhattan, but I liked it. I think because the characters in the film are so well-drawn, it elevates what could've been a lame 28 Days Later clone. They all feel authentic, with real histories behind them. One small example: as the chaos starts to envelop the apartment building, some yuppie tenants are seen fleeing with bags. "Go back to Connecticut," shouts one of the characters in a thick NY accent. Heh.

I absolutely loved, when Clutch went out to rescue Kay, that he decided just to punch out the rat people he encountered. He's a former boxer. His fists are the weapons he's most comfortable with. Why not? It's a fresh idea. We've seen zombies/the infected being shot, burned, beaten and run over by cars over and over. Punched out: not so much.

Actually, if they'd just dropped the rat people thing, this could've been an even better horror movie. People being bit by rats and turning into rabid, rat-like people... it's hard to take seriously. It's actually such a goofy idea, it kicks you right out of the movie. Just drop the rat part of it entirely: one day, people in Manhattan started to go batshit and no one knew why. That's all you need to get the horror going. (7/10)




Fear Itself: "Community" (2008) directed by Mary Harron
Sort of in the same universe as The Stepford Wives and "The Lottery," "Community" is about a HOA from hell. Superman and his wife move into a gated community in the hopes of raising a family there. Not having really read the contact they signed for their house (?), they quickly discover the community has a rather puritan morality code. Rather than pack up and leave, Superman hatches an irrational plan involving sneaking his wife away to a cabin and having a friend's wife pretend to be her to fool the cameras hidden in their house. Of course, they all get caught. Somehow the wife is magically brainwashed to accept the situation, and Superman's legs are cut off as punishment. I dunno. Not much makes sense in this one, but HOA are indeed scary... (6/10)


Fear Itself: "Sacrifice" (2008) directed by Breck Eisner
The best one of these so far, which isn't saying much. Criminals take refuge in a very cool 18th century-style fort. Three sisters and their father live there, who've never ventured outside of the fort's walls. Seems their family's been keeping a vampire fed and contained in there for centuries for the good of the rest of the world. Needless to say, the vampires eat some of the criminals and some shit hits the fan with the sisters. There's some nice moments and good acting to help make this an enjoyable episode. (7/10)

6WH: October 3rd

Week 2's big weekend with J and C attending the festivities again.

Black Devil Doll (2009) trailer
Rubber's Lover (1996) trailer
Happy Tree Friends: "Remains to Be Seen" (2004)


Tales from the Crypt: "Death of Some Salesmen" (1993) directed by Gilbert Adler
Did you ever want to see Ed Begley Jr. have sex with Tim Curry? Me neither, but it was amusing anyway. Curry plays three roles in this episode: an entire redneck family who hate salesmen. That, by itself, is enough for a good time. Throw in a cameo by Lily Munster and a classic "scumbag gets what's coming to him" EC comics plot to make a for fun season five opener. (7/10)


The Crazies (1973) trailer
Coons! Night of the Bandits of the Night (2008) trailer
Saturday Night Live: "Consumer Probe: Unsafe Halloween Costumes" (1977)


C.H.U.D. (1984) directed by Douglas Cheek
Somehow, this is one '80s horror flick I'd never seen before. I really wasn't missing much. For being about underground cannibals (who are also humanoid dwellers), the critters don't do any on-screen eating that I remember. They actually don't do much of anything for the majority of the movie. Most of the film follows a preacher, a police captain and a photographer as they slowly unravel the mystery of the disappearing underground homeless people. It's kinda slow, but not the good kind of horror movie slow where the tension is built. I did dig the gritty NYC setting, though. (6/10)




666 (2009) trailer
Maximum Overdrive (1986) trailer
The Simpsons: "Treehouse of Horror X: I Know What You Diddily-Iddly-Did" (1999)


Intercessor: Another Rock 'N' Roll Nightmare (2005) directed by Benn McGuire & Jacob Windatt

Ah Thor, I love you, buddy, but this wasn't the sequel I was hoping for. The movie is jam-packed with bad acting, crappy special F/X, non-existent sound F/X, inept editing, lame ideas... but we expect that based on the original movie. No, those aren't really the problem with this flick. It's more fundamental than those things. The main fault of the film is that Thor just doesn't kick enough ass.

That's all I really wanted from this movie. I wanted the end of the first movie, in which Thor turns into the Intercessor and beats the shit out of a rubber puppet of the devil while a kickin' Thor song plays in the background, repeated a bunch of times in this movie. That's all. Instead, they focus on some greasy-haired weenie for the first half of the movie. When Thor finally starts to carry the film, they give him a lame "mace" -- which appears to be a child's karaoke microphone -- which he uses to zap CGI lightening at the bad guys. Yep, instead of having the body-builder hero punch the bad guys, they have him point a plastic toy at them and the computer F/X team draws in some lightening. Weak. He does get into one real fight... but it's with the branches of a weeping willow tree. C'mon Thor -- you got better in you than this. (4/10)

A Witch in the Window

6WH: October 2nd

High Tension: Director's Cut (2003) directed by Alexandre Aja
I'd heard that this was a great movie except for the ending. For six years, I carefully kept myself spoiler-free, not wanting to ruin the movie should I get around the seeing it. Well, I got around to seeing it. It's just a slasher movie with the Fight Club twist, nothing more.

The slasher component is one horror movie cliche after another. The female protagonist hides from the killer in the bathroom. We think she's in the bathtub, but, nope, the killer flings the curtains open and she's not there. Whew. She tries to call the police, but the phoneline in the house is cut. She hides in a closet and sees the killer though the slats in the door. She asks a gas station attendant for help and he's promptly killed. Homage though it is, I found it a bit boring as a veteran slasher fan.

The Fight Club component wasn't constructed very carefully, I don't think. You'd expect, if you went back and watched the movie a second time, there'd be an explanation for every time the imaginary character does something. I don't think that's the case for the car accident scene near the end. Marie is in a car chasing herself driving an old truck. Fine: one of the vehicles is imaginary. The car crashes and she gets cut pretty badly. We know these cuts are real, because she has them in the institution at the end. However, she later pulls Alex out of the back of the truck she imagined she was chasing. So the truck is real for having Alex in it and the car is real for cutting Marie... how did she drive two vehicles at the same time? (6/10)




The Twilight Zone: "The Toys of Caliban" (1986) directed by Thomas J. Wright
I've had strange memories of this episode stuck in my brain for 23 years. As a wee lad of nine, I watched it with my dad when it originally aired. I never knew what the title was or even which anthology series it was in. I finally googled a vague description and discovered I had the episode in the house. It's about an old couple with a retarded son. The son has the ability to teleport anything he sees a picture of. They allow him a picture book filled with toys, but keep every other photo in the house locked up. Part of the problem is that any living thing he "brings" arrives dead. He's also starting to figure out how to teleport things from memory. Things begin to unravel when he brings himself some food-poisoned donuts and his weary parents have to take him to the hospital.

As a kid, I think part of what disturbed me about this episode -- besides the obvious scare of when he brings his dead mother back, who appears as a gross corpse -- is the same reason Bizarro is Superman's scariest enemy. A mental incompetent with super powers is terrifying. You can at least understand why Lex Luthor does what he does. You can try to reason with him. If Toby from this episode sees you on the street and telelports you home with him, you're gonna die and he won't understand what's he done.

The episode's actually not made to scare, though. It's really about a parent's unwavering love for his kid, no matter what the kid can do. Though it ends on a depressing note, it's really quite touching. (7/10)

A bit off topic, but jesus this pisses me off. Apparently, there's a petition in support of Roman Polanski signed by tons of cool actors and directors. I'm so goddamned disappointed in some of people I recognized in that list:

Wes Anderson
Asia Argento
Darren Aronofsky
Monica Bellucci
Adrien Brody
Alfonso Cuaron
Guillermo del Toro
Jonathan Demme
Terry Gilliam
Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu
John Landis
David Lynch
Michael Mann
Martin Scorsese
Tilda Swinton

Are none of these people parents? What the hell is Terry Gilliam thinking? At least Lynch has the excuse that he's not exactly sane. John Landis obviously empathizes with escaping punishment for harming children, so I can see why he signed. But, why does the director of my favorite movie have the be there? The next time I watch Taxi Driver, am I to think Scorsese's really sympathizing with Sport? Goddammit.

6WH: October 1st

Ghostbusters (1984) directed by Ivan Reitman
Listen! Do you smell something? I think this is probably my favorite comedy of all time. I can't think of any other movie with as many quotable lines.

One aspect I've always appreciated about this film was that the supernatural stuff in the film was taken relatively seriously. The crazy architecture of Ivo Shandor and the return of an old god are very lovecraftian. Ghosts are kind of explained in scientific terms, with technobabble throwaways about P.K.E. readings, ectoplasm, laser confinement grids and proton packs. It all sounds plausible enough to buy into. The reaction of the public to the increase in ghostly activity is pretty true-to-life: religious people are freaking out, liberal magazine The Atlantic Monthly ponders on a cover "Do Ghosts Have Civil Rights?", a talk host hosts asks if the boys have seen Elvis. I'm sure Dan Aykroyd can be thanked for all of this, given his real-life beliefs. (9/10)