27 October 2015

October 27th

The Walking Dead 5.14: "Spend" (2015) directed by Jennifer Chambers Lynch
Glen, Noah, and Nicholas getting trapped in different sections of a glass revolving door while zombies swarm both the inside and outside of the building was genius. Move one way or the other to escape and the folks in the other section of the door get shoved into a pile of zombies. Of course, that is exactly what happens and poor Noah gets one of the most gruesome deaths of the entire series. Wow.


Jason X (2001) directed by James Isaac
Freddy vs. Jason XVII: Jason in Space
Kane Hodder as Jason / Uber-Jason
26 Apr 2002
Following Hellraiser: Bloodline in 1996 (AKA, Hellraiser 4: In Space) and Leprechaun 4: In Space in 1997, Jason got his turn a few years later. Tons of fans hate this entry and I can see their point of view. It's silly and self-referential and Jason belongs in the woods and not in a spaceship. Me, though, I've always thought this flick was a ton of fun.

Essentially, the story is a shameless rip-off of the first two Alien movies. Folks on a spaceship take a shuttle down to a planet with a hostile environment and bring back a monster. A greedy pencilneck wants to sell the monster for a lot of money. That monster escapes and methodically stalks and kills nearly everyone on board within the gothic/industrial confines of the ship. In the process, an android is decapitated, a bunch of space-marines are wasted, and the ship blows up. We last see the monster floating in space. Hey, if you're going to rip something off... rip off the best.

What can you say? This is a movie in which an android makes herself magnetic nipples in an attempt to please her creator. This is a movie in which Jason shatters a girl's face after dipping it in liquid nitrogen. This is a movie where Jason's first attack in the future happens while he is still frozen when his corpse tumbles and his machete slices a stoner's arm off. This is a movie that references the horrible "Microsoft Wars" in which people beat each other with their own limbs. This is a movie in which nanites repair Jason as an unstoppable cyborg, complete with cyborg hockey mask. If you can't smile, lean back in your chair, drink a beer, and enjoy this stuff, you have my pity.

Favorite Character
Professor Lowe (Jonathan Potts): "Guys, he just wants his machete back!"

Favorite Sin
Holograms drinking beers, smoking pot, and wanting pre-marital sex.

Favorite Kill
Adrienne (Kristi Angus), whose head is shoved in a sink full of liquid nitrogen and then slammed onto the counter so that it shatters.

Jason's Mood
Slightly confused at his circumstances, but determined to make it work.

3 comments:

  1. David Cronenberg is in this! And there's an exceptional callback to the sleeping bag kill from VII. Terrible movie, but a whole bucket of fun. I still kinda, sorta want to see the sequel to this that is set on Earth 2 or whatever it's called.

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  2. Yep, love seeing the Crone in his cameo as Head Asshole. The ending is perfect. Earth has been destroyed? No problem. Jason eventually finds a way to land in a new campground on Earth-2. You can't escape evil.

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  3. People who hate Jason X hate fun.

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