October 31st - HALLOWEEN

Halloween!  The big day!  I took the day off from work -- I figure this is pretty much the equivalent to a religious holiday for me, so why not -- and relaxed at home to watch a horror movie.  Because it was raining, I also figured I'd go grab some glowsticks from the store to stick in the pumpkins, figuring candles wouldn't last.  That quest was surprisingly frustrating.  On Halloween day itself, stores were busy ripping down all vestiges of the holiday -- dumping unpurchased masks and candles and candies in discount bins -- and replacing them with accursed Christmas decorations.  Target came through, their dollar shelves still overflowing with glow-necklaces that I could use.

Monster Cereal Week 6: All of 'Em!
Starting Halloween morning off right with a nutritious mix of all known food dyes.
In the end, it was strangely flavorless.  Like they canceled each other out.

Evil Dead (2013) directed by Fede Alvarez

Satisfying.  I was a little afraid that last year's excellent Cabin in the Woods would make this a little redundant to watch.  Why would we need a serious cabin in the woods story after Cabin stripped the idea down to its bones and rebuilt it as something wonderful?  My worry was misplaced.  The Evil Dead remake is in the best tradition of gritty '80s horror movies, except elevated by better effects and photography.

Storywise, there's not a heckuva lot to chew on.  Mia is taken to a cabin in the woods by her friends so they can help her kick a drug habit.  One of the friends reads some passages from the Necronomicon and things start happening.  There's some stuff about her brother abandoning her and their mother dying in an asylum, but it wasn't too terribly important.  I did like the idea that the friends were at the cabin for a more serious reason that the typical "let's party!" thing.  Mia going through withdrawal gave them some excellent opportunities to turn her into a Cassandra when she tries to warn everyone about the evil in the woods.  In the end, though, things are very simple: a great evil is trying to establish itself in the world and only these kids can stop it.

Stopping that evil takes a lot.  A lot.  People lose pieces of their face, limbs are hacked or pulled off, they get nails shot into them, hands are split, heads are blown up with shotguns... this is a frickin' tour de force of practical effects.  It drops the mic and walks away from all of the other horror movies these days using shitty CGI blood.  I hope the success of this remake spurs on more of this type of thing.

Watched: DVD from Sony.

Tales from the Crypt 6.03: "Whirlpool" (1994) directed by Mick Garris
After Jack and Casey arrived for the night's festivities -- beer in the fridge, candy in the bowl, ready to rock -- we popped in a Tales.  This episode is Crypt's version of Groundhog Day (which was released the year before this aired) that takes place at the Crypt offices in the 1950s.  It was surprisingly funny.  Instead of exactly the same thing happening every day that Rita Rudner repeats, this universe is a little crueler.  No matter what she does, she ends up with a dead boss and a posse of cops blowing her away.  It gets especially ridiculous after this happens when she doesn't even leave her apartment.  Very funny.


Return of the Living Dead III (1993) directed by Brian Yuzna

Somehow, I managed to convince the gang to watch this movie, one of my secret favorite zombie flicks.  Jack had never see it, so it seemed like a plan.  I think it's a ton of fun.  In the tradition of Yuzna's Society, it gets increasingly bizarre and goofy as the movie goes on.

Of course, my main attraction to the film is the beautiful Julie, played by Mindy Clarke.  She's absolutely one of my all-time favorite zombie characters.  In the movie, her unwise friskiness on her boyfriend's motorcycle causes a crash that breaks her neck.  Her boyfriend's dad happens to be experimenting with the 2-4-5 trioxin chemical from the original Return at a nearby military compound, and the boyfriend uses that to bring her back to life.  Julie then begins to slowly lose control of herself as her brain starts to die and zombify.

Julie discovers that only pain can temporarily make her forget the hunger that drives her to munch on the living.  She begins shoving wire and glass into her flesh in an effort to stave off that hunger.  In the process, she creates a stunning figure of herself (as in the poster above).  Clarke's portrayal, though, really sells things.  She's confused and in enormous physical pain and very emotionally hurt that her boyfriend put her into such a terrible predicament.  It is impossible to take your eyes off of her when she's onscreen.  Yes, yes I do have a zombie crush.

Other zombies in the movie are nearly as fun.  There's Santos with his spine extending two feet over his body.  There's the melted zombie from a trioxin barrel -- like Tarman in the original -- who has to rip his skull from one side of his face because the skin is fused to his shoulder.  My favorite, after Julie, is definitely poor Riverman.  Formerly a hobo who helps Julie and her boyfriend in the sewers, he gets zombified and bolted into a military exoskeleton.  He's pretty much a crazed zombie terminator.  Even gorily blowing away his limbs cannot stop him.

I love this movie, no matter what anyone says!

Watched: uncut DVD from Cinema Club.

Jones Halloween flavors return.
Red Licorice was the best.  Blood Orange wasn't bad.
Carmel Apple tastes like watered-down battery acid.  Candy Corn gave me diabeetus.

Halloween (1978) directed by John Carpenter

For the 15th year in a row, I watched Halloween on Halloween.  This year, for the first time ever, I chose the surround mix of the soundtrack instead of the original mono.  I always tend to go with an original sound mix -- as it was back when the movie was in theaters -- when watching a movie.  I think later-day surround mixes often sound fake and silly.  Plus, they aren't usually created by the people who made the film in the first place, so I tend to think of it as the audio equivalent of colorization.  Yuck.

But, this year I gave it a shot on the brand new 35th Anniversary blu-ray.  It was interesting.  The surround mix highlighted lots of different sounds that are usually muddled with all of the other sounds going on.  In particular, they shoved Mike's Vader-esque breathing into the center channel at a louder than normal volume.  I found it kind of neat, actually, as it emphasized the idea of we as the audience watching this through his eyes.  On the negative, a lot of the dialogue sounded more obviously done in ADR than ever before.  When the three girls are walking home from school, it sounds like nothing other than the three of them speaking a little too loud into a mic somewhere.

Outside of the audio, one thing I noticed for the first time -- and there's always something, even though I have this movie nearly memorized -- was at the end after Loomis shot Mike.  After he peeks over the balcony and sees Mike has gone missing, Loomis looks around.  But, he doesn't look around at the surrounding neighborhood below, hoping to catch a glimpse of a fleeing Michael.  Nope, he looks upwards, at the sky.  Very cool.  This evil is bigger that just a man in a mask.  It's out "there," in the very fabric of the Universe.  There's nothing we can really do to ever stop it permanently.  But, like Loomis, we have to fight anyway.

Watched: 35th Anniversary blu-ray from Anchor Bay.

Though it was raining continuously during trick-or-treating time and coats covered up their costumes, the kids didn't care at all.  "This is the best Halloween ever!" exclaimed one of my daughters as we ducked between the raindrops to get more candy.  Kids are awesome that way.

Ain't no rain gonna stop the quest for candy on Halloween night.

It was a good Six Weeks of Halloween.  I went nuts with the TV shows this year, only watching 38 movies but 51 episodes.  My favorite new movie of the year was Maniac, followed closely by American Mary.  I got to go to a cool convention.  I ate some Monster Cereal and carved pumpkins.  I jumped in a pile of leaves with the girls.  It was a good Six Weeks.

6WH: Saturday, October 25th

Chef Gregory drove down this weekend to join in the Halloween fun. Both having kids now, hanging out old-school is not something we get to do very often. In fact, his last trip down was during last year's 6WH celebration, 13 months ago. This time, Chef used his magic chef powers to whip us up a homemade apple pie. I got the traditional mulled apple cider simmering at the same time, so the house was filled with a pleasant, seasonal aroma.

Phantasm IV: Oblivion trailer (1998)
Dr. Butcher, M.D. trailer (1980)
Courage the Cowardly Dog: "The Demon in the Mattress" (1999)


Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2007) directed by Jon Knautz
Disappointing. After catching the trailer for this, I was excited to see it. It looked like it could be a new Evil Dead 2, with an everyman ass-kicker of a hero. I guess that's sort of a true, but all of that type of fun is squeezed into the last 20 minutes or so of the movie. Preceding that are the trials and tribulations of an anger-prone plumber as he takes a night class, fights with his girlfriend and repairs his teacher's plumbing. With the title this movie has, it really should not be this slow of a build. I wanted to see wall-to-wall monster ass-kicking throughout the movie. Instead, I had to wait for Robert Englund to ham it up for an hour before he finally turned into the one monster Jack has to fight (though, to be fair, that monster creates more critters out of Jack's fellow students).

Still, I'm looking forward to seeing this director's follow-up. I have a feeling he'll learn some lessons from this one and improve his game quite a bit. (6/10)


Frankenpimp fake trailer (2000)
Cat in the Brain trailer (1990)
The Simpsons: "Treehouse of Horror: Attack of the 50 Ft. Eyesores" (1994)
Metalocalypse: "Dethtroll" (2006)
Metalocalypse: "Dethwater" (2006)


The Wicker Man: Extended Version (1973) directed by Robin Hardy
Chef had never see this one and suggested it as something to watch. It's always a pleasure to show someone a guaranteed great flick for the first time, so we popped it in. I love that the reactions this movie evocates are the opposite of what they really should be. Howie really is a good guy. All he wants to do is find the missing girl or catch her murderer, and he thinks, essentially, an island full of cultists is covering it up. This is honorable. The islanders are really not good people. They conspire to trap an innocent man on their island in order to burn him alive so they'll have apples to sell people next year. This is horrible. Yet, my sympathies are always with the pagans and never with the policeman until the very end of the movie, even knowing what's coming. The island's culture is portrayed as so happy and complete, it's difficult not to want to live there. For me, anyway.

I didn't realize until afterward, but our feast of apple pie and apple cider was quite appropriate for this film, with Summerisle's main export being apples. Neat. (9/10)


Dust Devil DVD trailer (1992)
Dollman trailer (1991)
Happy Tree Friends: "Remains to be Seen" (2004)


Masters of Horror: "Valerie on the Stairs" (2006) directed by Mick Garris
"This is the best one so far," said Chef. He'd previously seen "The Fair-Haired Child" and "Homecoming" with me during prior hanging-outs. I think "Fair-Hair" knocks it out of the park, but this one is my second favorite from season 2 (my favorite is "The Black Cat"). I actually picked it partially, I'll admit, because it has, I think, the hottest naked woman in the history of television. Wow. (8/10)

There could only be one choice for this week's Halloween Jones Soda flavor: in honor of Summerisle, Dread Apple it was. Absent from last year, the apple-flavored drink returns. I don't really remember 2006's Spider Cider, so I can't say if that's what this is. Interesting that they upgraded the apple flavor to a glass bottle this year, though (2005 and 2006, it was in the small cans). In either container, it's not great. It's even worse if you drink it after having some real apple cider and real apple pie. That really emphasizes the fakeness of the flavoring. You're sort of left with the impression of drinking apple-scented hand soap. I actually couldn't even finish it and went back to drinking my real cider.

Lord Summerisle approved: apple pie, mulled apple cider and Jones Dread Apple soda.

SWH07: Week 6 (seventh)

Six Weeks of Halloween 2007
Week 6 (seventh)

Masters of Horror: "Valerie on the Stairs" (2006)
I loved the Barkerian Valerie and the Beast (played by Candyman himself) and I'm impressed that Clive's story got Garris to finally grow a pair, but everything else from the acting to the story was subpar. (6/10)

d. Mick Garris


Tales from the Crypt: "Undertaking Palor" (1991)
I had a lot of fun with this perfectly casted Goonies-esque horror adventure. (8/10)

d. Michael Thau

SWH: Week 5 (twenty-two)

Young Frankenstein (trailer)
Man with the Screaming Brain (trailer)
Aqua Teen Hunger Force: "Broodwich" (2003)

Dust Devil: Final Cut (1992)
As if Argento and Leone met and had a bastard child. (7/10)
d. Richard Stanley

Dracula: Prince of Darkness (trailer)
Sexy Adventures of Van Helsing (trailer)
The Simpsons: "Treehouse of Horror 04-3: Bart Simpson's Dracula" (1993)

Masters of Horror: "Chocolate" (2005)
Some nice bits, but overall too goofy for my tastes. (6/10)
d. Mick Garris

Tales from the Crypt: "Television Terror" (1990)
One of a long line of trash TV host parodies. (6/10)
d. Charles Picerni

Gave Jones Soda Candy Corn a try this week. It was every bit as unimbibable as I remembered. Pop is pretty much carbonated corn syrup in the first place. Candy corn is solidified corn syrup. Mix the two together and you've got Jones' special teeth-rot concoction #9. Strangely, I found it more drinkable if I first ate some leftover Good & Plenty.

Watched with C again. He began to doze even as the first movie rolled. I again had to explain that, while he was asleep, the Dust Devil arrived in a UFO with a bumper sticker on the back reading "I'd rather be in Wolf Creek."

The Dead Boys guard the DVD collection: