6WH: October 23rd

J returns for week 5. Without the slightly sensitive C coming, it's our chance to pop in Inside after the missus goes to bed.

The Fly (1958) trailer
The Fly (1986) trailer
The Simpsons: "Treehouse of Horror VIII: Fly vs Fly"


Tales from the Crypt: "Forever Ambregis" (1993) directed by Gary Fleder
Roger Daltrey tries and fails to steal Steve Buscemi's hot girlfriend... only in Tales from the Crypt land. Also only in this land is some disease transmission that works at the speed of plot. Said disease does cause some fantastic melt-down special F/X, sort of like if Troma had a larger budget to work with during Class of Nuke 'Em High. It's all good Crypt fun. (7/10)


A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) trailer
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) trailer
The Simpsons: "Treehouse of Horror VI: Nightmare on Evergreen Ter."


An American Werewolf in London (1981) directed by John Landis
Whatever I may think of the director, I can't deny that this is the best werewolf movie ever made (though, admittedly, I cannot remember anything about The Howling). Some may complain about the humor in the film, preferring a more serious werewolf movie. However, the humor is never silly and doesn't diminish the seriousness of the plot. It simply arises naturally from the rather unusual situation David finds himself in, talking to ghosts and changing into an animal.

Folks usually praise the werewolf transformation -- which rightly earned Rick Baker an Oscar -- but I think the make-up job he does on the victims is even better. Jack's transformation from fresh corpse to not-so-fresh corpse sports some of the best gore make-up ever. I think it's the dangly bit of skin on Jack's neck that wiggles when he talks that pushes it over the edge.

If I had any complaints, it's that the film seemed like it might focus on the investigations of the Scotland Yard detectives and David's doctor a little more than it did. They're sort of set up to unravel the mystery of the killer who attacked David, but this is all dropped in order to focus on the werewolf attack in Piccadilly Circus. It's a minor complaint; I'd probably rather stick with David's adventures in wolfdom, anyway. (8/10)




Dolls (1986) trailer
Dollman vs Demonic Toys (1993) trailer
The Simpsons: "Treehouse of Horror III: Clown Without Pity"


Inside (2007) directed by Alexandre Bustillo & Julien Maury
What if an American slasher movie, instead of Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees, had a woman as brutal and insane as Asami from Audition in it? This film is pretty close to what you'd get, I think. The story is relatively simple. A recently widowed, pregnant woman is attacked in her home by a crazy lady who wants her baby. Immediately. What follows is a savage battle between the two women.

Unlike an American slasher, however, the victim in the film doesn't fight back very effectively. She spends most of the movie hiding in her bathroom. When her anger finally replaces her fear, she tries and mostly fails to disable her attacker, then gets a toaster in the face. This is frustrating, perhaps because it plays with our expectations of these types of movies. We've come to expect and savor the cathartic pleasure of the victim harming her tormentor. We get that a little bit in this film, when the crazy lady is burned terribly in the face, but it is brief and not repeated.

The police in the film are so ridiculously stupid, it distracts from the movie. One officer hears gunfire coming from inside of the house. Does he first call for backup? Nope. He grabs a kid he arrested earlier in the night, chains him up, and they both rush into the house. Later, he gives the kid a weapon, but leaves him chained up. Their fates inside of the house can hardly be unexpected. I suppose this was a way to generate more people for the crazy lady to kill, but it could've been handled better.

One bit that I did think was well-done were the repeated shots of the fetus. We're shown the fetus being jostled and bumped around as the mother is attacked. It's a clever way of reminding us that their are two victims to worry about.

Ultimately, I'm not really sure what the point of this movie is, other than the shock people. It does play with the slasher formula in some original ways, but it's also equal parts frustrating. It does contain some things I can't say I've ever seen before in a horror movie, so there's that. (7/10)

Lil K's Job at Daycare is Producing These

6WH: Saturday, September 27th

Chef Gregory was supposed to swing by for this second week of Halloween -- a full year after his last trip down here -- but illness had him cancel at the last minute. With just me and the missus, we replaced the traditional pizza and bacon cheddar fries with a slightly healthier pizza and salad and dove into a random selection of watchin'.

Bubba Ho-Tep trailer (2003)
Maximum Overdrive trailer (1986)
Paranoid (2001)


30 Days of Night (2007) directed by David Slade
The premise is excellent: why don't vampires winter in the arctic when the sun never rises? The vampires could move into town and walk around like normal folk, all the while people would start to mysteriously disappear. Great plan! Such high hopes probably made the movie even more disappointing than it should've been. I hate -- absolutely hate -- the vampires in this flick. They're one step away from mere animals. They're the type of vampires that seem to spend most of their free time hissing and making noises like Jurassic Park dinosaurs. They like to pose dramatically in the street while making these noises, showing off their ridiculous, teeny-tiny yellow teeth. Worst of all, they are incredibly stupid.

Things started out promising. The vamps sent a human slave into town on the last day of daylight to sabotage communications and transportation. Miles and miles from the next town, the residents would be nicely confined for the month-long night. It's a guaranteed 30-day meal ticket for the vamps. So, what do they do? They go freakin' apeshit on day 1 and kill most of the people in town. This sends the few remaining people into hiding and the vamps are forced to spend the rest of the month trying to lure them out so they can eat. Nice going. Meanwhile, the humans make their obligatory noble sacrifices, stupid decisions and "when this is over" speeches, all the while seemingly unaffected by the -10 to -30 temperatures outside. Bah. I'm very glad I never blind-bought the graphic novel. (5/10)


New Nightmare trailer (2004)
High Tension trailer (2003)
Looney Tunes: "A-Haunting We Will Go" (1966)


Tales from the Crypt: "Seance" (1992) directed by Gary Fleder
Scammers try to scam a guy out of money, accidentally kill him, and he kills them back as a ghost. The best part of the show was John Kassir doing the Crypt Keeper's voice with a '40s film noir accent layered on top. Weird. (6/10)


Prince of Darkness trailer (1987)
Willard trailer (2003)
The Simpsons: "Treehouse of Horror: Terror at 5½ Feet" (1993)


The Twilight Zone: "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" (1963) directed by Richard Donner
I had to pop this one in after watching The Simpsons version. Lots of good stuff in this episode. Bill Shatner trying to contain his freak-out over the gremlin. Bill Shatner realizing that what he's telling his wife is making her think he's nutso. Bill Shatner smoothly dropping his pack of smokes so he can steal the policeman's gun. Bill Shatner agonizing over whether to open the emergency door and shoot the gremlin. Bill Shatner in a straight jacket. Bill Shatner. (7/10)


The Old Dark House (1932) directed by James Whale
Camp in the disguise of a traditional horror movie, not at all unlike Bride of Frankenstein. In this one, a bad storm forces some travelers to take shelter in a nearby house. The house is inhabited by a queer old man (pun intended), his grumpy sister and their dumb butler Morgan (played by Boris Karloff). It's really hard to describe this movie. It's a horror movie, but there's nothing supernatural in it at all. It's just a spooky house, a rainy night, and group of kooky characters. Probably, it works so well due to the skills of the actors involved. They have a ball, but never play things too broadly to wake you out of the reality of the movie. Very fun (7/10)

The Halloween Jones Soda flavor of the week was Monster Mojito. I hate this flavor every year, so I drank it early in the season to get it out of the way. Yep, same taste as always: a fruity alcoholic mixer.

Also not very good: Harvest Moon Pumpkin Ale. The missus bought it in an appreciated attempt to get something appropriate for the season. But, urg, beer made with pumpkin flavoring is just not very tasty. It tastes like a bad ale with some vegetables mixed into it. I downed two, anyway.

Pinhead Gets Into the Spirit of the Season