The Walking Dead 5.09: "What Happened and What's Going On" (2015) directed by Greg Nicotero
Interesting mid-season opening, with the majority of the episode dedicated to Tyreese's dying delusions. Somber in tone to match the character's exhaustion with the world they're forced to live in, the episode was also edited a little more arty than normal. I liked it. Though, personally, I think they should've re-sealed the wall and tried to build a community in that place. I'm guessing the trip to Washington will be as successful as the trip to the CDC in season 1.
My favorite bit was Tyreese's imagined BBC Radio report from when the zombie crisis first began (with the announcer voiced by Andrew Lincoln in his native accent, no less). I wish we'd get more glimpses into the time period when Rick was in his coma (but maybe that's what the spin-off show is about? I haven't paid attention).
19 October 2015
17 October 2015
October 17th
The Editor (2014) directed by Adam Brooks & Matthew Kennedy
I love Astron-6. They're a gang of crazy Canadians who started off making amusing shorts for the Internet before working up to creating their first feature, Father's Day. They followed that up with the utterly crazy Manborg, a parody of cheezy sci-fi flicks like Full Moon's Mandroid. The Editor is their take on '70s/'80s Italian horror movies and it is a meticulous and ridiculous satire of every goofy theme or shot or character type you could possibly remember from those films.
Argento-style colored lighting decorates many of the shots. There's a black glove-wearing killer. An innocent film editor is framed for the killer's murders... but maybe he isn't so innocent? There's bad dubbing and random characters with Italian accents. There's unnecessary nudity everywhere. Blood sprays in torrents of bright red. Everyone acts like exaggerated versions of the characters in those old movies, with the chain smoking, and the bizarre personal interactions, and the slapping. Lots and lots of slapping. I loved it.
If there's a large flaw with the film, it's that you need to be familiar with Italian horror movies in order to be in on the joke. At one point, a door is being chopped open with an ax in order to free a girl caught by the killer. As the wood splinters near her face, everyone watching the movie who had seen The Beyond was completely expecting some eyeball trauma. The filmmakers knew we'd expect such a thing and cleverly substitute the eyeball damage with something else. Still, the other folks watching the film with no Italian horror knowledge were laughing up a storm at the silliness, so even this is no big deal.
Neon Maniacs (1986) directed by Joseph Mangine
Of the silly movies I brought with me for the second feature of the night, this one was picked. It's a forgotten near-gem from the height of the Freddy-Jason era. If having one slasher villain in your horror movie is cool, why not shove 13 slasher villains into the film and have it 13 times as cool? Not unlike a list of He-Man villains, the antagonists of Neon Maniacs are:
Argento-style colored lighting decorates many of the shots. There's a black glove-wearing killer. An innocent film editor is framed for the killer's murders... but maybe he isn't so innocent? There's bad dubbing and random characters with Italian accents. There's unnecessary nudity everywhere. Blood sprays in torrents of bright red. Everyone acts like exaggerated versions of the characters in those old movies, with the chain smoking, and the bizarre personal interactions, and the slapping. Lots and lots of slapping. I loved it.
If there's a large flaw with the film, it's that you need to be familiar with Italian horror movies in order to be in on the joke. At one point, a door is being chopped open with an ax in order to free a girl caught by the killer. As the wood splinters near her face, everyone watching the movie who had seen The Beyond was completely expecting some eyeball trauma. The filmmakers knew we'd expect such a thing and cleverly substitute the eyeball damage with something else. Still, the other folks watching the film with no Italian horror knowledge were laughing up a storm at the silliness, so even this is no big deal.
Neon Maniacs (1986) directed by Joseph Mangine
- Ape
- Archer
- Axe
- Decapitator
- Doc
- Hangman
- Juice
- Mohawk
- Punk Biker
- Samurai
- Scavenger
- Slasher
- Soldier
They live in a maintenance garage in the base of the Golden Gate Bridge and come out at night to wreck havoc on sinning teens. It's an incredibly ambitious idea: unleashing a baker's dozen of slasher creeps into a major American city. It almost works.
I think the movie's main problem was that it couldn't manage quite this many villains successfully. Ape, Archer, Hangman, Juice, Mohawk, and Samurai get the lion's share of the screentime, with the other half of the group showing up to varying degrees here and there. Mostly, they're after the one survivor of their first attack. Thirteen monsters chasing one girl sounds like it has potential, but they fail to pull it off here. There's an anemic chase on a subway train, and Ape spies on her a little while she swims, but they fail to rally their entire crew appropriately to take care of this survivor.
Still, there's some cool stuff in the film. The main character's dream of raining blood while she's in her swimming pool is very visually striking. The sheer variety of maniacs guarantees there'll be at least one or two you'll really like (my favorite: Juice, just because the guy looked *so* happy when he got to drive the subway train). They all have their own personal methods of killing teens, so there's also a great variety of vintage '80s SFX deaths to enjoy.
The bizarre reaction of the main girl to her circumstances is also plenty amusing. The day after witnessing her entire group of friends being massacred, she cheerfully goes to school. Later she has time to flirt with a grocery delivery boy and attend a school dance. I'm almost tempted to say the entire movie is a metaphor for this girl's incredibly strong case of denial. Maybe the maniacs were all in her head and she was the killer?
16 October 2015
October 16th
Tales from the Crypt 6.10: "In the Groove" (1994) directed by Vincent Spano
Like the Tales from the Darkside episode I just watched, this is more hatred for shock jocks. I suppose I remember in the 1980s/90s that, with the rise of Howard Stern in particular, America had a small moral panic about these guys polluting the airwaves. It was subject ripe for anthologies shows: "ha-hah, let's give these meanie assholes their just deserts!" Twenty/thirty years on, with an Internet filled with assholes available for the reading, its a little hard to remember what the big deal was.
One of my favorite character actors, Miguel Ferrer, plays the asshole this time, who somehow manages to host a phone sex show on the radio without getting reamed by the FCC. When he fires his phone-sexing partner, his sister and co-owner of the station hires him a replacement. Initially resenting the imposition, he discovers the new girl is great at her job and great at manipulating him. Needless to say, it ends badly for the asshole.
Like the Tales from the Darkside episode I just watched, this is more hatred for shock jocks. I suppose I remember in the 1980s/90s that, with the rise of Howard Stern in particular, America had a small moral panic about these guys polluting the airwaves. It was subject ripe for anthologies shows: "ha-hah, let's give these meanie assholes their just deserts!" Twenty/thirty years on, with an Internet filled with assholes available for the reading, its a little hard to remember what the big deal was.
One of my favorite character actors, Miguel Ferrer, plays the asshole this time, who somehow manages to host a phone sex show on the radio without getting reamed by the FCC. When he fires his phone-sexing partner, his sister and co-owner of the station hires him a replacement. Initially resenting the imposition, he discovers the new girl is great at her job and great at manipulating him. Needless to say, it ends badly for the asshole.
14 October 2015
October 14th
The Walking Dead 5.06: "Consumed" (2014) directed by Seith Mann
The adventures of Daryl and Carol in Atlanta. Despite diving into a huge city post-apocalypse, this is a pretty low-key episode that focuses on strengthening Daryl and Carol's friendship as they look for clues in their search for Beth.
In season 1, Atlanta was swarming with zombies. Now people waltz down the empty streets without too much concern. According to Wikipedia, Atlanta has 447,841 people in it. Let's try to make some reasonable assumptions about this. Ignoring the people in the metro area, let's say that Atlanta was like New Orleans during Katrina and 80% of the population managed to evacuate. That leaves about 90,000 people left in town. Judging by what we've seen in this series, I think it's safe to say that at least 80% of those people died and became zombies. That makes for about 72,000 zombies wandering around. Atlanta is 132 square miles in size, so this gives it a zombie population density of 545 zombies per square mile. Yeah, I don't think this is a place you'd want to walk around in...
The Walking Dead 5.07: "Crossed" (2014) directed by Bill Gierhart
One of those calm-before-the-storm episodes, due to the mid-season finale coming up next. Rick and company prepare a plan to rescue Carol and Beth, while Glen and company have fun fishing.
The Walking Dead 5.08: "Coda" (2014) directed by Ernest R. Dickerson
I think the TV-invented character of Daryl has given the showrunners more latitude with Rick. In a prior episode, Noah steals his and Carol's weapons. Facing the death sentence of being weaponless in a zombie-infested city, Daryl irresponsibly stops Carol from shooting Noah. Why? Because Daryl is the fan-favorite who they are ensuring they keep good-and-pure. They want to keep someone that the audience will always root for so that they continue to tune in.
No longer the only lead character of this tale, Rick doesn't need to be likable or identifiable. They can send him down as dark of a path as they need. Which I like. In this one, he kills an escaping police officer in cold blood. To Rick, Beth and Carol are so important that he refuses to let this outsider screw up their rescue. It also shows some of Rick's disgust will the entire world's condition: the poor guy is sick of the constant crises and tragedies. "Shut up," he tiredly tells the officer right before shooting him. He doesn't have the energy anymore to deal with things in a more civilized manner. Interesting.
Also, Beth dies in a stupid manner. Bah.
Friday the 13th: The Series 1.01: "The Inheritance" (1987) directed by William Fruet
Since I'm in the middle of watching the movie series, I thought I'd check out the first episode of the TV show as well. Aired right between Part 6 and Part 7, I was hoping maybe there would be some reference to Crystal Lake in here somewhere. Nope. The only connection to the film series this show has outside of the title is the fact that Frank Mancuso Jr. worked on it.
This wasn't something I watched as a kid, so the only other episode of this show I've seen before was the Cronenberg-directed one. The premise of the show is excellent: two cousins inherit an antique store. Unluckily for them, their deceased uncle had been selling cursed items at the behest of Satan himself. It's now up to the cousins to track down all of these cursed items and locked them in vault below the store where they can't hurt anyone.
That's an idea absolutely ripe for story ideas. Sadly, for this first episode, they went with the tired "killer doll" cliche. It's not even a killer doll good at its job. It takes two tries to kill its owner's step-mother and fails to do more than scratch the face of its owner's babysitter. I'm guessing this is why the network chose to air this episode fourth rather than first... it's just not very strong and has to spend a ton of time setting things up.
The adventures of Daryl and Carol in Atlanta. Despite diving into a huge city post-apocalypse, this is a pretty low-key episode that focuses on strengthening Daryl and Carol's friendship as they look for clues in their search for Beth.
In season 1, Atlanta was swarming with zombies. Now people waltz down the empty streets without too much concern. According to Wikipedia, Atlanta has 447,841 people in it. Let's try to make some reasonable assumptions about this. Ignoring the people in the metro area, let's say that Atlanta was like New Orleans during Katrina and 80% of the population managed to evacuate. That leaves about 90,000 people left in town. Judging by what we've seen in this series, I think it's safe to say that at least 80% of those people died and became zombies. That makes for about 72,000 zombies wandering around. Atlanta is 132 square miles in size, so this gives it a zombie population density of 545 zombies per square mile. Yeah, I don't think this is a place you'd want to walk around in...
The Walking Dead 5.07: "Crossed" (2014) directed by Bill Gierhart
One of those calm-before-the-storm episodes, due to the mid-season finale coming up next. Rick and company prepare a plan to rescue Carol and Beth, while Glen and company have fun fishing.
The Walking Dead 5.08: "Coda" (2014) directed by Ernest R. Dickerson
I think the TV-invented character of Daryl has given the showrunners more latitude with Rick. In a prior episode, Noah steals his and Carol's weapons. Facing the death sentence of being weaponless in a zombie-infested city, Daryl irresponsibly stops Carol from shooting Noah. Why? Because Daryl is the fan-favorite who they are ensuring they keep good-and-pure. They want to keep someone that the audience will always root for so that they continue to tune in.
No longer the only lead character of this tale, Rick doesn't need to be likable or identifiable. They can send him down as dark of a path as they need. Which I like. In this one, he kills an escaping police officer in cold blood. To Rick, Beth and Carol are so important that he refuses to let this outsider screw up their rescue. It also shows some of Rick's disgust will the entire world's condition: the poor guy is sick of the constant crises and tragedies. "Shut up," he tiredly tells the officer right before shooting him. He doesn't have the energy anymore to deal with things in a more civilized manner. Interesting.
Also, Beth dies in a stupid manner. Bah.
Friday the 13th: The Series 1.01: "The Inheritance" (1987) directed by William Fruet
Since I'm in the middle of watching the movie series, I thought I'd check out the first episode of the TV show as well. Aired right between Part 6 and Part 7, I was hoping maybe there would be some reference to Crystal Lake in here somewhere. Nope. The only connection to the film series this show has outside of the title is the fact that Frank Mancuso Jr. worked on it.
This wasn't something I watched as a kid, so the only other episode of this show I've seen before was the Cronenberg-directed one. The premise of the show is excellent: two cousins inherit an antique store. Unluckily for them, their deceased uncle had been selling cursed items at the behest of Satan himself. It's now up to the cousins to track down all of these cursed items and locked them in vault below the store where they can't hurt anyone.
That's an idea absolutely ripe for story ideas. Sadly, for this first episode, they went with the tired "killer doll" cliche. It's not even a killer doll good at its job. It takes two tries to kill its owner's step-mother and fails to do more than scratch the face of its owner's babysitter. I'm guessing this is why the network chose to air this episode fourth rather than first... it's just not very strong and has to spend a ton of time setting things up.
13 October 2015
October 13th
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) directed by Chuck Russell
Freddy vs. Jason IX: Destruction of the Dream Warriors
The Dream Warriors fail miserably in this film. Granted, it wasn't a bad thought on Nancy's part: figure out a special power you have when you dream and use that against Freddy. In such a desperate situation, it was worth a try, but the results speak for themselves:
Favorite Character
Donald Thompson (John Saxon): broken by the events of Part 1, he's turned into an alcoholic security guard who rarely sees his daughter. He snaps back into his old self during his final moments when he attacks the animated, burned skeleton of Freddy, telling him "I've killed you once before, you son of a bitch."
Favorite Sin
Making out with a dream version of a nurse who is actually Freddy in disguise.
Favorite Kill
Phillip (Bradley Gregg), who has his arms and legs sliced open by Freddy. Freddy then uses Phillip's own tendons to marionette him off a building. I've always thought this is one of the most disturbing Freddy kills for shear gore factor alone.
Freddy's Mood
Cruelly playful.
 |
| Robert Englund as Freddy 27 Feb 1987 |
The Dream Warriors fail miserably in this film. Granted, it wasn't a bad thought on Nancy's part: figure out a special power you have when you dream and use that against Freddy. In such a desperate situation, it was worth a try, but the results speak for themselves:
- Kristen - acrobatics
Mildly irritates Freddy when she knocks him down. - Kincaid - slightly stronger than a normal human
Mildly irritates Freddy when he bangs him with a dream pipe. - Taryn - dresses as a punk and carries two tiny switchblades
Mildly irritates Freddy when she stabs him in the armpit. - Will - becomes The Wizard Master
Mildly irritates Freddy when he shoots green magic at him. - Joey - loud screaming
Breaks Freddy's mirrors.
The only thing that has any lasting effect at all on Freddy is Neil sprinkling holy water on his bones in the real world. Even there, Neil almost dies due to Freddy's skeleton bonking him on the head with a shovel. Freddy is incredibly powerful: a god in the dream world who can extend himself into reality when needed. If it were me? I'd be eating Hypnosil™ the rest of my life and moving away from Springwood.
I've always had mixed feelings on this entry in the series. Widely regarded as the best of the sequels, it also marks the beginnings of "Wise-Crackin' Fred," the slasher villain who feels the need to make a clever quip -- like he's James Bond -- before killing someone. To me, that can get irritating. I think it would work a little better if he were a little darker with his quips. I like "this is God" and "I'll split you in two" from Part 1 just fine. "Welcome to prime time, bitch!" and "what a rush!" just don't have the same utter malevolence behind them. Freddy isn't as scary if you're half-chuckling at what he's saying to people. This also puts the character on a destructive path, where each sequel gets a little sillier until we end up with "Stand-Up Comedian Fred" in Part 6.
Outside of that complaint, this is a great sequel. While somehow not as strong as she was in Part 1, it's nice to have Nancy back. Dreams also return after being mostly absent in Part 2, and they get a lot right with them. I like that they play with the geography of Nancy's old house: the hallways seem to shift and extend themselves, and nothing makes any logical sense. The bit where Kristen finds she can no longer run as Freddy chases her is great. This is all very true-to-dreams. Freddy also has more fun with his dream powers than ever before: he transforms into a snake and a marionette, multiplies himself in mirrors, and attacks Zsa Zsa Gabor on a TV show. He seems to be enjoying the hell out of himself during the entire movie, particularly when he's playing possum to allow the kids to think they've actually hurt him.
Favorite Character
Donald Thompson (John Saxon): broken by the events of Part 1, he's turned into an alcoholic security guard who rarely sees his daughter. He snaps back into his old self during his final moments when he attacks the animated, burned skeleton of Freddy, telling him "I've killed you once before, you son of a bitch."
Favorite Sin
Making out with a dream version of a nurse who is actually Freddy in disguise.
Favorite Kill
Phillip (Bradley Gregg), who has his arms and legs sliced open by Freddy. Freddy then uses Phillip's own tendons to marionette him off a building. I've always thought this is one of the most disturbing Freddy kills for shear gore factor alone.
Freddy's Mood
Cruelly playful.
12 October 2015
October 12th
Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986) directed by Tom McLoughlin
Silly as the movie can be, Jason himself is always treated as an extreme threat to be taken seriously. That's the key. The second you're allowed to laugh at the villain -- see Freddy's Dead for a particularly egregious example -- you're making a comedy and not a horror movie. Even with the censored kills, Jason remains a fearsome force in this movie.
 |
| C.J. Graham as Jason 1 Aug 1986 |
Freddy vs. Jason, Part VIII: Jason's Undead
This was one of the movies I chose to watch last Halloween, when I discovered that it's one of my favorites of the series. Which might be a little hard to explain... Like Part 5, this film was clearly gutted by MPAA demands. None of the gore survived the editing room and every kill ends abruptly in a quick cut. It's also bizarrely lacking in nudity... the only entry in the entire series to do so, if I remember correctly. Added to that, the goofiness that began with Part 5's redneck mother and son duo continues in this film. There's a ton of silliness in the movie -- from the dipshit cemetery caretaker to the business executive paintballers to the self-referential jokes ("I've seen enough horror movies to know any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly."). Despite all of this, the movie works.
I think the primary reason I like this entry is Jason himself. Jason is on quite the tear in this film. The body count is higher than ever before and Jason never seems to take a break from killing. In fact, the movie even inserts completely unnecessary characters (the picnicking couple) just to give Jason more people to kill. And, the man is mean. Mean, mean. He's crushing heads, bending people in half, twisting their heads off, and shoving their faces so hard into metal that we can see the outline of their screams. He's so mean, we almost believe that the camp's young children are in danger when he waltzes into their cabin.
Silly as the movie can be, Jason himself is always treated as an extreme threat to be taken seriously. That's the key. The second you're allowed to laugh at the villain -- see Freddy's Dead for a particularly egregious example -- you're making a comedy and not a horror movie. Even with the censored kills, Jason remains a fearsome force in this movie.
This helps heighten the tension in finale, which has my pick for the best ending of the Friday movies so far. Tommy's plan is to balance precariously in a canoe and get dangerously close to the resurrected monster, throw a chain connected to a rock around his neck, tighten the chain, and throw the rock overboard. Jason is a guy who has been shown to rip a man's arm off without even trying, just to get his machete. I'd rather try to wrestle a hungry bear than attempt such a feat.
And that final image, of Jason serenely floating under the surface of Crystal Lake and then opening his eye, is absolutely perfect. Had this been the "Final Friday," I think that might've been just fine. Jason's long-time nemesis Tommy defeats him in the most appropriate manner possible, yet we all know he's still underwater... waiting...
Favorite Character
Martin (Bob Larkin): the always-drunk cemetery caretaker who looks directly at us at one point and with not a small amount of accusation in his voice says "Some folks sure got a strange idea of entertainment."
Favorite Sin
Requesting super-human sexual endurance from your boyfriend in order to finish listening to a really lone Alice Cooper song.
Favorite Kill
Nikki (Darcy DeMoss), who has her head shoved into the wall of an RV so hard it deforms the metal exterior into the shape of her screaming face.
Jason's Mood
Super-grumpy after a long nap.
The Walking Dead 5.05: "Self Help" (2014) directed by Ernest R. Dickerson
An episode that flashes back to Abraham's backstory as his group slowly makes their way towards D.C. I like Abraham, so I enjoyed seeing more of where he came from before meeting up with Eugene. Abraham is a man who requires a mission in life. When the apocalypse hit, his mission -- like any good father -- was the protect his family. Unfortunately for him, the vision of him beating a -- zombie? bad human? -- to death with a soup can in a grocery store frightened his wife so much that she fled with the kids towards their eventual deaths. Eugene enters his life with his lie of a mission -- to stop the zombie plague altogether -- which stops Abraham from killing himself and gives him something to focus on, I'll be curious to see where the show goes with him now, now that he knows Eugene was lying and there is nothing to be done. In the comics, everything turns out OK, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything for the show.
09 October 2015
October 9th
Tales from the Crypt 6.09: "Staired in Horror" (1994) directed by Stephen Hopkins
A fun piece about testing the limits of a curse. In this case, a cheating woman is cursed to be immortal, but ancient-looking on the first floor of her house and younger-looking and attractive on the second. For any men in the house, the reverse is true. When a good-looking convict decides to hide in her house, she discovers the middle of the staircase is the perfect place for the both of them. This being TftC, neither of them manage to stay in this perfect spot for very long before things go as wrong as possible.
A fun piece about testing the limits of a curse. In this case, a cheating woman is cursed to be immortal, but ancient-looking on the first floor of her house and younger-looking and attractive on the second. For any men in the house, the reverse is true. When a good-looking convict decides to hide in her house, she discovers the middle of the staircase is the perfect place for the both of them. This being TftC, neither of them manage to stay in this perfect spot for very long before things go as wrong as possible.
08 October 2015
October 8th
The Walking Dead 5.03: "Four Walls and a Roof" (2014) directed by Jeffrey F. January
Awesome. I was worried they were going to stretch out the cannibal story for the entire season -- or maybe the entire half-season -- and milk it dry. I'm glad they stuck to the theme of this story from the comics: even in such a brutal world, people can go way too far. Those who do should be taken out without hesitation for the good of the rest of the living. But, executing other humans will have a cost, no matter how awful they were. It'll be interesting to see how the rest of the group reacts to Rick's savage murder of the cannibals. Also a nice touch that Rick kept his promise to the lead cannibal from episode 1.
The Walking Dead 5.04: "Slabtown" (2014) directed by Michael E. Satrazemis
Hey, Beth is back. She's now trapped in a hospital in Atlanta run by a group of police officers. Kind of a nice change of pace, actually. Though it does connect to the rest of the season thematically. Like the cannibals, this hospital group is doing whatever they think is necessary to survive, even if some of those things are horrible. Like Abraham, they are confident the world will be repaired in the future and they will be there to enjoy it. It takes all kinds at the end of the world...
It was interesting to see the Atlanta skyline after a few years of apocalypse. I can't help but wonder, though, where the power for the hospital is coming from. I suppose it's from a generator running the same infinite-life gasoline all of the cars seem to have in them. Like loud explosions in space, I'll ignore it.
Awesome. I was worried they were going to stretch out the cannibal story for the entire season -- or maybe the entire half-season -- and milk it dry. I'm glad they stuck to the theme of this story from the comics: even in such a brutal world, people can go way too far. Those who do should be taken out without hesitation for the good of the rest of the living. But, executing other humans will have a cost, no matter how awful they were. It'll be interesting to see how the rest of the group reacts to Rick's savage murder of the cannibals. Also a nice touch that Rick kept his promise to the lead cannibal from episode 1.
The Walking Dead 5.04: "Slabtown" (2014) directed by Michael E. Satrazemis
Hey, Beth is back. She's now trapped in a hospital in Atlanta run by a group of police officers. Kind of a nice change of pace, actually. Though it does connect to the rest of the season thematically. Like the cannibals, this hospital group is doing whatever they think is necessary to survive, even if some of those things are horrible. Like Abraham, they are confident the world will be repaired in the future and they will be there to enjoy it. It takes all kinds at the end of the world...
It was interesting to see the Atlanta skyline after a few years of apocalypse. I can't help but wonder, though, where the power for the hospital is coming from. I suppose it's from a generator running the same infinite-life gasoline all of the cars seem to have in them. Like loud explosions in space, I'll ignore it.
07 October 2015
October 7th
Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985) directed by Danny Steinmann
Freddy vs. Jason, Part VI: Jason's Still Dead
So Part IV made a ton of money and clearly the fans want more. But, darn, it was called "The Final Chapter" and Jason is dead. What to do? Apparently, rather than take a page from their own book (Jason drowned as kid... but, no he didn't), the filmmakers figured they'd have to stick to their guns and go somewhere else with the series. I guess that's admirable: to sleep in the bed they made and try out something new. It just doesn't work, though.
My main issue with the movie isn't even Pseudo-Jason; it's the censorship. After the gore-fest that was Part IV, this film feels incredibly tame. I'm relatively confident that V could be shown on an American TV network with only the nudity censored and no one would be shocked. Every single kill cuts away immediately. Some even happen off screen and are simply implied. For a slasher fan, this is pure frustration. I know there's some awesome footage sitting in a can somewhere that the MPAA forced out of the movie in exchange for its R rating.
As for Pseudo-Jason... this is not a horrible idea. Jason is just a big, unstoppable dude in a hockey mask without too much personality. The problem with making him a regular guy who's upset about his son's death, however, is that it humanizes Jason far too much. Instead of a deformed man who lived alone in the woods for decades, surviving however he could -- perhaps more beast than man -- we've got a grieving parent who has snapped. I'm just not going to be as scared of crazy Roy as I am of a mutant man-mountain with a machete.
The implied path for Part VI shown at the end of this one, where Tommy assumes the mantle of Jason, is even lamer. Now the kid who killed Jason goes nuts and.... starts killing people just like Jason? It doesn't make any sense. How about this? Pseudo-Jason severely disfigures Tommy in an attack -- like eyeball hanging out, half his face messed up -- before Tommy throws him out of the hayloft. Looking into the mirror, Tommy can now only see Jason staring back. Now he truly snaps and starts killing people, but in a slightly different way than Jason used to. Using his karate skills and lean body, he's a quicker, sharper Jason. Think Bruce Lee in a hockey mask. There, there's "a new beginning."
Favorite Character
Demon (Miguel A. Núñez Jr.): the Jheri-curled, too-cool goofball who apparently lives in the back of his piled-high-with-trash van... yet is so smooth that he still has a girlfriend.
Favorite Sin
Demon's entire life, as represented by a van filled with junk food, pot, beer, and a friendly woman.
Favorite Kill
Eddie (John Robert Dixon), whose head is crushed when Roy wraps a leather garrote around both his face and a tree and then twists it so tightly the strap breaks. One of the most memorable kills in the entire series, I've always thought.
Jason's Mood
Dead.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985) directed by Jack Sholder
Freddy vs. Jason, Part VII: There's Something Inside of Me
How do you follow up Part 1, one of the most successful horror movies of all time? Apparently, you take the nightmares mentioned in the title almost all the way out and have the main villain possess a high schooler in a manner that is sort of a hybrid of The Exorcist and a werewolf movie. Huh?
What is Freddy's plan, anyway? He appears to want to possess Jessie's body like a ghost and walk around in the real world. Why? Is he tired of having limitless power in the dreamworld, with the added ability to cause real deaths there? Did he just want to check out a high school pool party? And, is attempting to frame Jessie for murdering his coach and best friend wise? How will Freddy have any fun if the body he controls is locked in prison? The subtitle of the movie is "Freddy's Revenge," but that was already what he was up to in the previous movie, anyway. The guy has no apparent motivation here.
I used to be a fan of this sequel, arguing with the naysayers that there's a lot of cool stuff in the film and at least Freddy's isn't too jokey yet. I take it back. This is definitely the second-worst of the series, only surpassed by the very disappointing 6. The main character whimpers like a baby most of the movie -- admittedly, Mark Patton sells this effectively -- and needs his girlfriend to defeat the villain via smooching. Freddy's makeup looks odd; I hate the gigantic cro-magnon brow they gave him. Those dogs with baby heads just don't work. Parakeet attacks. Worst of all: there's almost no dreaming. The very thing that made the first movie special is nearly absent in this one. What were they thinking?
There are bits that I love. The dream at beginning is very nice. The idea of being trapped in a school bus balanced precariously over a giant pit with Freddy coming after you is very effective. Christopher Young's score -- no surprise here -- is excellent. The shot of Freddy (above) at the pool party declaring "you are all my children now" is one of the best of the series. Freddy emerging from Jessie in Ron's bedroom -- with Freddy's eyeball looking out of Jessie's mouth -- is very cool. I though the theme of heat -- from presumably Freddy's death, or his boiler room -- was a neat touch to illustrate the weirdness going on in the house.
Still, I'm glad they went back to what worked in the original for Part 3.
Favorite Character
Ron Grady (Robert Rusler): A total bro, ever-forgiving of his new friend's increasing grumpiness and weirdness.
Favorite Sin
The entirety of Don's Place, Coach Schneider's favorite hangout.
Favorite Kill
Coach Schneider (Marshall Bell), who has one of the weirdest deaths in slasher history when Freddy/Jessie ties him up in a locker room shower, strips him nude, whips his ass with a towel, and then slices up his back.
Freddy's Mood
A man on a mission.
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| Tom Morga as Pseudo-Jason 22 Mar 1985 |
So Part IV made a ton of money and clearly the fans want more. But, darn, it was called "The Final Chapter" and Jason is dead. What to do? Apparently, rather than take a page from their own book (Jason drowned as kid... but, no he didn't), the filmmakers figured they'd have to stick to their guns and go somewhere else with the series. I guess that's admirable: to sleep in the bed they made and try out something new. It just doesn't work, though.
My main issue with the movie isn't even Pseudo-Jason; it's the censorship. After the gore-fest that was Part IV, this film feels incredibly tame. I'm relatively confident that V could be shown on an American TV network with only the nudity censored and no one would be shocked. Every single kill cuts away immediately. Some even happen off screen and are simply implied. For a slasher fan, this is pure frustration. I know there's some awesome footage sitting in a can somewhere that the MPAA forced out of the movie in exchange for its R rating.
The implied path for Part VI shown at the end of this one, where Tommy assumes the mantle of Jason, is even lamer. Now the kid who killed Jason goes nuts and.... starts killing people just like Jason? It doesn't make any sense. How about this? Pseudo-Jason severely disfigures Tommy in an attack -- like eyeball hanging out, half his face messed up -- before Tommy throws him out of the hayloft. Looking into the mirror, Tommy can now only see Jason staring back. Now he truly snaps and starts killing people, but in a slightly different way than Jason used to. Using his karate skills and lean body, he's a quicker, sharper Jason. Think Bruce Lee in a hockey mask. There, there's "a new beginning."
Favorite Character
Demon (Miguel A. Núñez Jr.): the Jheri-curled, too-cool goofball who apparently lives in the back of his piled-high-with-trash van... yet is so smooth that he still has a girlfriend.
Favorite Sin
Demon's entire life, as represented by a van filled with junk food, pot, beer, and a friendly woman.
Favorite Kill
Eddie (John Robert Dixon), whose head is crushed when Roy wraps a leather garrote around both his face and a tree and then twists it so tightly the strap breaks. One of the most memorable kills in the entire series, I've always thought.
Jason's Mood
Dead.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985) directed by Jack Sholder
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| Robert Englund as Freddy 1 Nov 1985 |
How do you follow up Part 1, one of the most successful horror movies of all time? Apparently, you take the nightmares mentioned in the title almost all the way out and have the main villain possess a high schooler in a manner that is sort of a hybrid of The Exorcist and a werewolf movie. Huh?
What is Freddy's plan, anyway? He appears to want to possess Jessie's body like a ghost and walk around in the real world. Why? Is he tired of having limitless power in the dreamworld, with the added ability to cause real deaths there? Did he just want to check out a high school pool party? And, is attempting to frame Jessie for murdering his coach and best friend wise? How will Freddy have any fun if the body he controls is locked in prison? The subtitle of the movie is "Freddy's Revenge," but that was already what he was up to in the previous movie, anyway. The guy has no apparent motivation here.
There are bits that I love. The dream at beginning is very nice. The idea of being trapped in a school bus balanced precariously over a giant pit with Freddy coming after you is very effective. Christopher Young's score -- no surprise here -- is excellent. The shot of Freddy (above) at the pool party declaring "you are all my children now" is one of the best of the series. Freddy emerging from Jessie in Ron's bedroom -- with Freddy's eyeball looking out of Jessie's mouth -- is very cool. I though the theme of heat -- from presumably Freddy's death, or his boiler room -- was a neat touch to illustrate the weirdness going on in the house.
Still, I'm glad they went back to what worked in the original for Part 3.
Favorite Character
Ron Grady (Robert Rusler): A total bro, ever-forgiving of his new friend's increasing grumpiness and weirdness.
Favorite Sin
The entirety of Don's Place, Coach Schneider's favorite hangout.
Favorite Kill
Coach Schneider (Marshall Bell), who has one of the weirdest deaths in slasher history when Freddy/Jessie ties him up in a locker room shower, strips him nude, whips his ass with a towel, and then slices up his back.
Freddy's Mood
A man on a mission.
04 October 2015
October 4th
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984) directed by Joseph Zito
Freddy vs. Jason, Part IV: Jason's Dead
Jason feels quite a bit different in this movie compared to the prior two. He's far, far stronger than he's ever been before. Previously, he was clearly just a big human in a mask who could be fought with and sometimes knocked out. In this one, he is supernaturally unstoppable. He's able to -- with just one hand -- crush a guy's skull. He bursts through wooden doors like they were made of wet paper. He picks up and throws a man, who must weigh around 200 pounds, a dozen feet through a window. He throws an ax through a wooden door to kill a girl. Frankly, I'm starting to think he really did die at the end of 3 and this is the first zombie Jason movie.
Not that I mind. This is an excellent Jason movie... maybe even my favorite (I need to watch 6 and 7 again). It boils everything down to pure audience titillation, which, you have to admit, is why we're watching these things in the first place. There's more nudity than ever before. Fully half of the plot is simply teenagers trying to get laid. There's skinny-dipping, and shower sex, and pot-smoking, and beer bongs, and goofy dancing. Hell, they even show an old stag film at one point.
The violence is brutal. Jason isn't merely walking around dispatching people like in 3; he's angry as hell and wants to make sure the kids know this. One of the kids gets crucified (!) in a doorway. Later, when Jason needs to use that door, he rips the kid off the nails (as Zito gives us a close-up of the hand tearing away). When Jason kills the hiker Rob, he does not merely slit the guy's throat. Nope, he repeatedly gouges him with a random tool as Rob screams and screams. Like I said: brutal. Plus, the gore still holds up today: Jason's split hand, the machete through his head, and the head-crushing in the shower all work as well now as they did then. You can certainly tell Tom Savini came back to the series.
If this was going to really be the final Jason movie, it was a helluva way to go.
Favorite Character
Axel (Bruce Mahler): the impossibly horny, jerk of a hospital morgue attendant who gets cock-blocked by Jason's dead arm.
Favorite Sin
Watching an aerobics show in a morgue next to Jason's body without any intention of actually doing aerobics.
Favorite Kill
Rob (Erich Anderson), whose half-disturbing, half-hilarious screams of "You're killing me! You're killing me!" when Jason begins tearing him up with a random tool from a toolbox makes for a uniquely memorable kill.
Jason's Mood
Pissed off.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) directed by Wes Craven
Freddy vs. Jason, Part V: Revenge of the Dream Demon
Horror movie gold. A Nightmare on Elm Street sits up there with Texas Chain Saw Massacre, The Exorcist, and The Thing as examples of horror at its very best. As a character, Freddy, I suspect, will last the ages, standing aside Dracula and Frankenstein. He is certainly my favorite monster by a long shot. Some thoughts on this first film during this latest re-watch:
Freddy's characterization in this one is far, far scarier than in any of the other films. He is completely batshit insane here. A horribly disfigured guy cutting off his own fingers ("watch this!") and then cackling about it is absolutely terrifying. That this same guy is in control of your dreams... good God. I wish this Freddy had stuck around or returned at some point (though New Nightmare Freddy is fairly close).
I think the dreams in this film are the most dreamlike of the series. It's the little things. I like the lamb in Tina's first dream ("like lambs to the slaughter"). I like how Freddy is not bound by physics or rationality: he'll pop up where ever is scary, stretch his arms out to encompass a whole street, and sometimes appear in two places at once. I like that after seeing news footage of Tina in a bodybag, that image invades Nancy's dreams repeatedly (a very normal thing to happen after a tragedy). I like how the kid in English class switches from Julius Caesar to an utterly appropriate Hamlet quote ("O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space -- were it not that I have bad dreams.") when Nancy nods off. The imagery of the bathtub scene is incredibly nightmareish to me (the worst dream I ever had was losing hold of my daughter in the middle of lake and watching her fall down, down, down into the darkness below). All credit goes to Wes Craven for his understanding of the human mind, I would say.
Conspiracy theory: is the entire movie Nancy's dream? She seems to think so. Towards the end, when Freddy emerges from her mother's bed, she says to him:
Earlier in the movie, though, we see a few other things. When Rod and Tina settle into bed shortly before Tina's murder, they pull up a inner blanket that is red- and green-striped. That same night, supposedly in the real world, we see Freddy stretch out the wall above Nancy's bed. When Nancy almost drowns in the bathtub, we never see her wake up. She simply swims back to the surface and hangs onto the edge. Shortly before Freddy gets him, Glen naps in a red- and green-striped chair in Nancy's room. Freddy seems to easily influence the "real" world. I suspect that the entire film is the slow mental torture of the daughter of the woman who kept Freddy's glove after burning him alive. Naturally, the sequels ignore all of this and take the film too literally, but, it's interesting to think about if this were a stand-alone movie.
Favorite Character
Nancy (Heather Langenkamp): the person we would all hope to be in a similar situation. Nancy quickly figures out the bizarre fact that a man is killing her friends in their dreams, devises several experiments to test the limits of this man's power, and then uses that info to execute a plan of attack. There's a reason why Nancy is one of the all-time great final girls in horror.
Favorite Sin
Using sex as a way to forget your nightmares.
Favorite Kill
Tina (Amanda Wyss), who is first tormented by Freddy in a nightmare, and then so viciously attacked that she's dragged up onto the ceiling. Still one of the most intense kills in all of slasher history.
Freddy's Mood
Maliciously insane.
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| Ted White as Jason 13 Apr 1984 |
Jason feels quite a bit different in this movie compared to the prior two. He's far, far stronger than he's ever been before. Previously, he was clearly just a big human in a mask who could be fought with and sometimes knocked out. In this one, he is supernaturally unstoppable. He's able to -- with just one hand -- crush a guy's skull. He bursts through wooden doors like they were made of wet paper. He picks up and throws a man, who must weigh around 200 pounds, a dozen feet through a window. He throws an ax through a wooden door to kill a girl. Frankly, I'm starting to think he really did die at the end of 3 and this is the first zombie Jason movie.
Not that I mind. This is an excellent Jason movie... maybe even my favorite (I need to watch 6 and 7 again). It boils everything down to pure audience titillation, which, you have to admit, is why we're watching these things in the first place. There's more nudity than ever before. Fully half of the plot is simply teenagers trying to get laid. There's skinny-dipping, and shower sex, and pot-smoking, and beer bongs, and goofy dancing. Hell, they even show an old stag film at one point.
If this was going to really be the final Jason movie, it was a helluva way to go.
Favorite Character
Axel (Bruce Mahler): the impossibly horny, jerk of a hospital morgue attendant who gets cock-blocked by Jason's dead arm.
Favorite Sin
Watching an aerobics show in a morgue next to Jason's body without any intention of actually doing aerobics.
Favorite Kill
Rob (Erich Anderson), whose half-disturbing, half-hilarious screams of "You're killing me! You're killing me!" when Jason begins tearing him up with a random tool from a toolbox makes for a uniquely memorable kill.
Jason's Mood
Pissed off.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) directed by Wes Craven
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| Robert Englund as Freddy 9 Nov 1984 |
Horror movie gold. A Nightmare on Elm Street sits up there with Texas Chain Saw Massacre, The Exorcist, and The Thing as examples of horror at its very best. As a character, Freddy, I suspect, will last the ages, standing aside Dracula and Frankenstein. He is certainly my favorite monster by a long shot. Some thoughts on this first film during this latest re-watch:
Freddy's characterization in this one is far, far scarier than in any of the other films. He is completely batshit insane here. A horribly disfigured guy cutting off his own fingers ("watch this!") and then cackling about it is absolutely terrifying. That this same guy is in control of your dreams... good God. I wish this Freddy had stuck around or returned at some point (though New Nightmare Freddy is fairly close).
Conspiracy theory: is the entire movie Nancy's dream? She seems to think so. Towards the end, when Freddy emerges from her mother's bed, she says to him:
It's too late, Krueger. I know the secret now. This is just a dream. You're not alive. This whole thing is just a dream. I want my mother and friends again.You could write this off as wishful thinking; a response to the trauma of four people dying that she cares about. But, there seems to be little hints here and there that she's actually correct. The biggest hint, obviously, is that she walks directly from this nighttime scene into a daytime scene in another location where her mother and friends really are still alive. That kind of random scene changing is very dreamlike. In fact, the editing of the movie is similarly dreamlike. Craven often uses soft fade-to-blacks to quickly transition to new scenes. I'm guessing this was intentionally mimicking the feeling of nodding off; of our eyes slowly closing, then snapping open again.
Earlier in the movie, though, we see a few other things. When Rod and Tina settle into bed shortly before Tina's murder, they pull up a inner blanket that is red- and green-striped. That same night, supposedly in the real world, we see Freddy stretch out the wall above Nancy's bed. When Nancy almost drowns in the bathtub, we never see her wake up. She simply swims back to the surface and hangs onto the edge. Shortly before Freddy gets him, Glen naps in a red- and green-striped chair in Nancy's room. Freddy seems to easily influence the "real" world. I suspect that the entire film is the slow mental torture of the daughter of the woman who kept Freddy's glove after burning him alive. Naturally, the sequels ignore all of this and take the film too literally, but, it's interesting to think about if this were a stand-alone movie.
Favorite Character
Nancy (Heather Langenkamp): the person we would all hope to be in a similar situation. Nancy quickly figures out the bizarre fact that a man is killing her friends in their dreams, devises several experiments to test the limits of this man's power, and then uses that info to execute a plan of attack. There's a reason why Nancy is one of the all-time great final girls in horror.
Favorite Sin
Using sex as a way to forget your nightmares.
Favorite Kill
Tina (Amanda Wyss), who is first tormented by Freddy in a nightmare, and then so viciously attacked that she's dragged up onto the ceiling. Still one of the most intense kills in all of slasher history.
Freddy's Mood
Maliciously insane.
03 October 2015
October 3rd
Halloweentown High (2004) directed by Mark A.Z. Dippé
Well, there goes my Sophie theory. The poor gal has been shoved almost completely aside in this one, relegated to just a couple of scenes where she doesn't do anything important. I guess, technically, she's not in high school yet where this one is set, so it would be hard to use her more. Still, she should be about the same age that her older sister was in Part 1, meaning her mom and grandma, one would think, would be fighting over whether she should start training as well. Poor Sophie.
One thing that hasn't changed since the last two movies: Marnie is still a massive screw-up. In this one, she accidentally bets her entire family's magic powers that humans will be able to live with Halloweentown monsters without freaking out. What? For some reason, since opening the portal between the two worlds permanently in Part 2, she has a bee in her bonnet about getting both worlds to live together. Why? Last time in the distant past, as they told us in Part 1, humans were such meanies that they drove the monsters to make their own dimension -- Halloweentown -- to escape.
This is just the irrational X-Men thing again. Both Professor X and the Cromwells are so delusional in their hippy "let's all hold hands and dance together" crap that they want a collection of super-powered entities to invade the human world. Humans should be freaking out about this. The Halloweentown witches have, what appears to be, unlimited power to alter reality. How are these folks not going to take over the human world?
Even if they were -- very, very improbably -- all nice, they're still super-powered. Construction businesses? Gone. The witches have demonstrated they can build structures with a wave of the hand. Anesthesiologists: out of job. The witches can knock people out with magic. Airline travel? Gone: the witches can fly people on brooms. Could we humans do anything about this? Nope, the witches have a time travel spell and can prevent anything we do against them before it even happens. This is terrifying.
Sorry, as a human, I'm firmly on the side of "bad guy" Dalloway in this film who wants to close the portal forever. I'd like my daughters to grow up in a world with more career options than "Igor" or "Witch's Familiar."
One thing that hasn't changed since the last two movies: Marnie is still a massive screw-up. In this one, she accidentally bets her entire family's magic powers that humans will be able to live with Halloweentown monsters without freaking out. What? For some reason, since opening the portal between the two worlds permanently in Part 2, she has a bee in her bonnet about getting both worlds to live together. Why? Last time in the distant past, as they told us in Part 1, humans were such meanies that they drove the monsters to make their own dimension -- Halloweentown -- to escape.
This is just the irrational X-Men thing again. Both Professor X and the Cromwells are so delusional in their hippy "let's all hold hands and dance together" crap that they want a collection of super-powered entities to invade the human world. Humans should be freaking out about this. The Halloweentown witches have, what appears to be, unlimited power to alter reality. How are these folks not going to take over the human world?
Even if they were -- very, very improbably -- all nice, they're still super-powered. Construction businesses? Gone. The witches have demonstrated they can build structures with a wave of the hand. Anesthesiologists: out of job. The witches can knock people out with magic. Airline travel? Gone: the witches can fly people on brooms. Could we humans do anything about this? Nope, the witches have a time travel spell and can prevent anything we do against them before it even happens. This is terrifying.
Sorry, as a human, I'm firmly on the side of "bad guy" Dalloway in this film who wants to close the portal forever. I'd like my daughters to grow up in a world with more career options than "Igor" or "Witch's Familiar."
02 October 2015
October 2nd
Tales from the Crypt 6.08: "The Assassin" (1994) directed by Martin von Haselberg
Holy crap, I had no idea! William Sadler returns as the Grim Reaper! I am a huge fan of Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey and it was a pleasant surprise to see Sadler reprising his character in the wrap-around segments. Pairing his Reaper with the Crypt Keeper is brilliant. Man, 17-year-old me would've been geeked as hell to catch this on TV in 1994.
As for the episode itself, it's an amusing little piece. It's more enjoyable to me due to the actors in it. We've got Shelley Hack, the clueless wife from The Stepfather, in the lead role. Chelsea Field, who was Teela in the incredibly cheezy Masters of the Universe, and Marshall R. Teague from Road House, and a young Jonathan Banks from Breaking Bad, and, of course, Corey Feldmen himself all join in the fun. The twist at the end of the episode is fairly easy to see coming, though weirdly timely. Let's just say that Shelley Hack's character is improbably pretty and petite and also quite "stunning and brave."
Holy crap, I had no idea! William Sadler returns as the Grim Reaper! I am a huge fan of Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey and it was a pleasant surprise to see Sadler reprising his character in the wrap-around segments. Pairing his Reaper with the Crypt Keeper is brilliant. Man, 17-year-old me would've been geeked as hell to catch this on TV in 1994.
As for the episode itself, it's an amusing little piece. It's more enjoyable to me due to the actors in it. We've got Shelley Hack, the clueless wife from The Stepfather, in the lead role. Chelsea Field, who was Teela in the incredibly cheezy Masters of the Universe, and Marshall R. Teague from Road House, and a young Jonathan Banks from Breaking Bad, and, of course, Corey Feldmen himself all join in the fun. The twist at the end of the episode is fairly easy to see coming, though weirdly timely. Let's just say that Shelley Hack's character is improbably pretty and petite and also quite "stunning and brave."
01 October 2015
October 1st
The Walking Dead 5.02: "Strangers" (2014) directed by David Boyd
Well, damn, I have to eat my words: the TV show did go that far. This one ends with poor Bob having his leg eaten by the few cannibals that remained from Terminus in a situation not unlike what happened to Dale in the comics. I suspect, like Dale, Bob got bit by the zombies in the food shelter basement earlier and the cannibals will become infected. Color me impressed. I'm tempted to dig into Google and see what the normal people thought of this when it originally aired. Now, if they eventually kill off the uber-popular Daryl, the showrunners will have my complete respect. Still, this show is loads better than it was during the farm / prison era.
And yet another The Wire alumnus joins the cast. I ain't complaining: that show was packed with fantastic actors. Newbie Seth Gilliam plays a suspicious priest, joining Chad L. Coleman as Tyreese and Lawrence Gilliard Jr. as poor Bob. My next Wire request: I want to see a hard-ass, grumpy John Doman in the zombieland.
Well, damn, I have to eat my words: the TV show did go that far. This one ends with poor Bob having his leg eaten by the few cannibals that remained from Terminus in a situation not unlike what happened to Dale in the comics. I suspect, like Dale, Bob got bit by the zombies in the food shelter basement earlier and the cannibals will become infected. Color me impressed. I'm tempted to dig into Google and see what the normal people thought of this when it originally aired. Now, if they eventually kill off the uber-popular Daryl, the showrunners will have my complete respect. Still, this show is loads better than it was during the farm / prison era.
And yet another The Wire alumnus joins the cast. I ain't complaining: that show was packed with fantastic actors. Newbie Seth Gilliam plays a suspicious priest, joining Chad L. Coleman as Tyreese and Lawrence Gilliard Jr. as poor Bob. My next Wire request: I want to see a hard-ass, grumpy John Doman in the zombieland.
30 September 2015
September 30th
The Walking Dead 5.01: "No Sanctuary" (2014) directed by Greg Nicotero
I was pretty geeked about the show by the end of season 4, feeling that it had gotten to a great place of tension and drama. That mostly continues with the start of season 5, which finds the gang trapped in a train car in Terminus, the cannibal city. Though ready to fight their captors as soon as the doors open, they are disabled by a teargas canister and taken to a slaughter room instead. There, a man systematically cracks each person on the back of the head while another slits their throat over a trough. It's brutal and probably purposefully reminiscent of ISIS videos. With the help of a Rambo-ish version of Carol, our main characters manage to escape and leave Terminus burning.
Though is this is all very exciting, I'm not sure I like how they're using the cannibals as compared to the comic series. In the comics, they were just a small group of nuts who would secretly kidnap people for food. They even grab and eat a part of Dale! I actually can't see the TV series going that far. Here, they're more of the stereotypical "small town with the dark secret" thing in the mold of Texas Chain Saw Massacre. I dunno. Maybe I'm just pissed that the group talked Rick out of going back to town to finish off the rest of the cannibals, like they so effectively -- and correctly -- did in the comic.
I was pretty geeked about the show by the end of season 4, feeling that it had gotten to a great place of tension and drama. That mostly continues with the start of season 5, which finds the gang trapped in a train car in Terminus, the cannibal city. Though ready to fight their captors as soon as the doors open, they are disabled by a teargas canister and taken to a slaughter room instead. There, a man systematically cracks each person on the back of the head while another slits their throat over a trough. It's brutal and probably purposefully reminiscent of ISIS videos. With the help of a Rambo-ish version of Carol, our main characters manage to escape and leave Terminus burning.
Though is this is all very exciting, I'm not sure I like how they're using the cannibals as compared to the comic series. In the comics, they were just a small group of nuts who would secretly kidnap people for food. They even grab and eat a part of Dale! I actually can't see the TV series going that far. Here, they're more of the stereotypical "small town with the dark secret" thing in the mold of Texas Chain Saw Massacre. I dunno. Maybe I'm just pissed that the group talked Rick out of going back to town to finish off the rest of the cannibals, like they so effectively -- and correctly -- did in the comic.
27 September 2015
September 27th
Halloweentown II: Kalabar's Revenge (2001) directed by Mary Lambert
I'm still sticking with my theory that I came up with after watching the first one: little Sophie is the true power in the family. While Marnie is being easily seduced by Kalabar's son -- who uses the opportunity to steal her grandma's spellbook and almost end normal human existence as we know it -- Sophie is immediately aware that something is not right. Later, she easily flies herself and her brother on a broom without any prior training. Sophie is also the one to figure out that her mom's crush is actually a golem made up of frogs. Meanwhile, her grandma continues to fawn over her screw-up older sister -- the so-called future leader of the Cromwell witches -- who loses and fails to memorize a time travel spell and is only required to figure out a ridiculously easy one-word spell to reverse the damage her boyfriend has done to both worlds.
My girls enjoyed the show well enough. They got a little embarrassed during the flirty bits with Kalabar's son and his fake frog-dad, but nothing was remotely scary for them this time out. It's a completely harmless little movie. My main complaint would be we didn't spend any time at all in the non-cursed version of Halloweentown, which is, you know, the name of the series and the big, fun draw to these things.
Freddy vs. Jason, Part III: New Jersey Barnyard Massacre
For me, Friday the 13th 3 to 8 are the meat of the series. This is where Jason is the Jason as we know and love him: relentless, nearly indestructible, and wearing a hockey mask. If I'm going to randomly pop in a Jason movie to relax one fall night, it's gonna be one of these (OK: not typically 8).
Though, Jason seems to be in a weird mood in this one. Maybe it's because he's run out of camp counselors to take revenge on? He doesn't exactly seem to know what to do with himself. He tries out killing middle-aged grocery store owners at the beginning of the movie, but that doesn't seem to be a path he's interested in pursuing further. Luckily, some horny young people arrive at a nearby farm and he's allowed to go back to his killing comfort zone.
Still, his approach is very business-like in this movie. He marches around, calmly and quickly killing everyone in his path. There's little malice in what he's doing. Jason's simply performing the job he was made to do, as if he were a factory worker tightening bolts. A poke with a hayfork here, a slash with a machete there...
We even get a glimpse at his process at one point. Near the end of the movie when he's chasing Chris and Rick, the two are split up. When Chris opens up the door of the house to look for Rick, the camera pans right and we see Jason has caught him. But, Rick isn't dead and Jason isn't in the process of killing him; instead, Jason has a hand clasped over Rick's mouth to prevent him from making any noise. Clearly, he doesn't want Rick's screams to alert Chris. He hasn't had time to get to the business of killing Rick and wants to ensure he can later do the same to Chris. This nicely demonstrates Jason's low time preference. He's not a creature of pure id, wandering the woods and murdering whenever the urge strikes him. No, he's an intelligent planner with a goal. That actually makes the guy even scarier.
On a different subject, I love the incredibly cheezy 3-D effects in this film. Even though I watched it in 2-D, the "wooo, this is 3-D" shots are awesome. People are constantly shoving things directly at the camera: sticks, yo-yos, snakes, weapons, eyeballs... Even without the 3-D effect, it's still a ton of fun.
Favorite Character
Shelly (Larry Zerner): the chubby, socially awkward, horrible-with-girls, practical-joking dork. Or, the representation of all of us horror geeks in the Jason universe. That he is the one who gives Jason his iconic mask: icing on the nerd cake.
Favorite Sin
Eating and drinking bits of food from your own grocery store and putting the rest back on the shelf.
Favorite Kill
Rick (Paul Kratka) getting his head squeezed between Jason's hands until his eyeball pops out in 3-D!
Jason's Mood
Taking care of business.
My girls enjoyed the show well enough. They got a little embarrassed during the flirty bits with Kalabar's son and his fake frog-dad, but nothing was remotely scary for them this time out. It's a completely harmless little movie. My main complaint would be we didn't spend any time at all in the non-cursed version of Halloweentown, which is, you know, the name of the series and the big, fun draw to these things.
Friday the 13th Part III (1982) directed by Steve Miner
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| Richard Brooker as Jason 13 Aug 1982 |
For me, Friday the 13th 3 to 8 are the meat of the series. This is where Jason is the Jason as we know and love him: relentless, nearly indestructible, and wearing a hockey mask. If I'm going to randomly pop in a Jason movie to relax one fall night, it's gonna be one of these (OK: not typically 8).
Though, Jason seems to be in a weird mood in this one. Maybe it's because he's run out of camp counselors to take revenge on? He doesn't exactly seem to know what to do with himself. He tries out killing middle-aged grocery store owners at the beginning of the movie, but that doesn't seem to be a path he's interested in pursuing further. Luckily, some horny young people arrive at a nearby farm and he's allowed to go back to his killing comfort zone.
Still, his approach is very business-like in this movie. He marches around, calmly and quickly killing everyone in his path. There's little malice in what he's doing. Jason's simply performing the job he was made to do, as if he were a factory worker tightening bolts. A poke with a hayfork here, a slash with a machete there...
We even get a glimpse at his process at one point. Near the end of the movie when he's chasing Chris and Rick, the two are split up. When Chris opens up the door of the house to look for Rick, the camera pans right and we see Jason has caught him. But, Rick isn't dead and Jason isn't in the process of killing him; instead, Jason has a hand clasped over Rick's mouth to prevent him from making any noise. Clearly, he doesn't want Rick's screams to alert Chris. He hasn't had time to get to the business of killing Rick and wants to ensure he can later do the same to Chris. This nicely demonstrates Jason's low time preference. He's not a creature of pure id, wandering the woods and murdering whenever the urge strikes him. No, he's an intelligent planner with a goal. That actually makes the guy even scarier.On a different subject, I love the incredibly cheezy 3-D effects in this film. Even though I watched it in 2-D, the "wooo, this is 3-D" shots are awesome. People are constantly shoving things directly at the camera: sticks, yo-yos, snakes, weapons, eyeballs... Even without the 3-D effect, it's still a ton of fun.
Favorite Character
Shelly (Larry Zerner): the chubby, socially awkward, horrible-with-girls, practical-joking dork. Or, the representation of all of us horror geeks in the Jason universe. That he is the one who gives Jason his iconic mask: icing on the nerd cake.
Favorite Sin
Eating and drinking bits of food from your own grocery store and putting the rest back on the shelf.
Favorite Kill
Rick (Paul Kratka) getting his head squeezed between Jason's hands until his eyeball pops out in 3-D!
Jason's Mood
Taking care of business.
24 September 2015
September 24th
Friday the 13 Part 2 (1981) directed by Steve Miner
Freddy vs. Jason, Part II: Revenge for Mommy
More or less, the same movie as Part 1. Someone who's face we're not allowed to see stalks and kills a bunch of horny camp counselors around Crystal Lake. Crazy Ralph tells people they're doomed. There's a downpour right before the climax. One or some of the counselors go into town to a restaurant, only to return to camp to be killed. A woman uses a machete to defeat the killer, but -- surprise, surprise -- Jason jumps out of nowhere to grab her. The second time around, it's all a little duller.
Not that I hated the movie. I found myself really enjoying backwoods Jason. Normally, I'm in the "Zombie Jason is Best Jason" camp, but living Jason grew on me. As a kid, had I been allowed to watch these, I think I might have found The Town That Dreaded Sundown rip-off Jason to be the scariest. I remember stories of crazy hermits who lived in shacks in the woods just like Jason's shack in this one (and there's a lotta woods here in Michigan). Nothing would be scarier than getting lost in those woods and accidentally stumbling upon a shack and its occupant. More scary even, if he's wearing a bag on his head with just one eye hole. "The man who's gone wild" is a classic trope and great for use in a horror movie.
We also have Part 2 to thank for several slasher cliches. Killing off the main character from the previous movie at the start of the sequel is something that -- correct me if I'm wrong -- started here. There's also the first instance of nighttime skinny dipping, to be repeated and then even parodied within the series. My favorite of the cliches, the vast variety of killing implements used by the killer, begins with this film as well. Joining Part 1's rather standard machete and knife tool set is a pitch fork, a wire garrote, a rope snare, and a toy spear used as you would a real spear.
Now that they've got all of the bits and pieces they need -- an adult Jason, creative kills, unnecessary nudity -- the series can enter its golden age. Still, there's just one more iconic bit missing...
Favorite Character
Ted (Stuart Charno): the lanky, red-headed prankster who escapes death simply by getting utterly wasted at the bar in town
Favorite Sin
Primitive handheld sports video game innuendo
Favorite Kill
Mark (Tom McBride) getting a machete buried in his face and then pushed down an enormously long flight of stairs in his wheelchair.
Jason's Mood
"Git off ma land!"
Tales from the Darkside: "The Devil's Advocate" (1985) directed by Michael Gornick
Jerry Stiller plays an angry shock-jock in the Dr. Laura mold who does nothing but berate people on his talk show. I was excited when I saw this episode was written by George himself, but I soon found myself disappointed. While Stiller's performance is excellent and he was the perfect casting choice for this part, the story is a pretty standard "asshole gets his just desserts" tale. Through the course of the episode, the shock-jock demonstrates how much of a jerk he is while slowly discovering that he has died and is in Hell, doomed to listen to whiny callers for eternity. It's far too predictable and the audience is going to be way ahead of the main character for most of the story.
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| Warrington Gillette as Jason Steve Dash as Masked Jason 1 May 1981 |
More or less, the same movie as Part 1. Someone who's face we're not allowed to see stalks and kills a bunch of horny camp counselors around Crystal Lake. Crazy Ralph tells people they're doomed. There's a downpour right before the climax. One or some of the counselors go into town to a restaurant, only to return to camp to be killed. A woman uses a machete to defeat the killer, but -- surprise, surprise -- Jason jumps out of nowhere to grab her. The second time around, it's all a little duller.
Not that I hated the movie. I found myself really enjoying backwoods Jason. Normally, I'm in the "Zombie Jason is Best Jason" camp, but living Jason grew on me. As a kid, had I been allowed to watch these, I think I might have found The Town That Dreaded Sundown rip-off Jason to be the scariest. I remember stories of crazy hermits who lived in shacks in the woods just like Jason's shack in this one (and there's a lotta woods here in Michigan). Nothing would be scarier than getting lost in those woods and accidentally stumbling upon a shack and its occupant. More scary even, if he's wearing a bag on his head with just one eye hole. "The man who's gone wild" is a classic trope and great for use in a horror movie.We also have Part 2 to thank for several slasher cliches. Killing off the main character from the previous movie at the start of the sequel is something that -- correct me if I'm wrong -- started here. There's also the first instance of nighttime skinny dipping, to be repeated and then even parodied within the series. My favorite of the cliches, the vast variety of killing implements used by the killer, begins with this film as well. Joining Part 1's rather standard machete and knife tool set is a pitch fork, a wire garrote, a rope snare, and a toy spear used as you would a real spear.
Now that they've got all of the bits and pieces they need -- an adult Jason, creative kills, unnecessary nudity -- the series can enter its golden age. Still, there's just one more iconic bit missing...
Favorite Character
Ted (Stuart Charno): the lanky, red-headed prankster who escapes death simply by getting utterly wasted at the bar in town
Favorite Sin
Primitive handheld sports video game innuendo
Favorite Kill
Mark (Tom McBride) getting a machete buried in his face and then pushed down an enormously long flight of stairs in his wheelchair.
Jason's Mood
"Git off ma land!"
Tales from the Darkside: "The Devil's Advocate" (1985) directed by Michael Gornick
Jerry Stiller plays an angry shock-jock in the Dr. Laura mold who does nothing but berate people on his talk show. I was excited when I saw this episode was written by George himself, but I soon found myself disappointed. While Stiller's performance is excellent and he was the perfect casting choice for this part, the story is a pretty standard "asshole gets his just desserts" tale. Through the course of the episode, the shock-jock demonstrates how much of a jerk he is while slowly discovering that he has died and is in Hell, doomed to listen to whiny callers for eternity. It's far too predictable and the audience is going to be way ahead of the main character for most of the story.
21 September 2015
September 21st
Friday the 13th (1980) directed by Sean S. Cunningham
Freddy vs. Jason, Part I: Mommy's Revenge
The most successful of the Halloween rip-offs and arguably the starter pistol shot that kicked off the early '80s slasher boom. All of the stereotypical slasher tropes are in place in this film: the sinning teens, the killer's POV shots, the lone female survivor, the over-the-top kills created by a special effects genius. It's this last bit that made Friday the 13th special at the time; it was something a little more titillating than the mostly bloodless Halloween and just the thing to get audiences wanting more. Even if the series had not continued, people would still be watching Friday the 13th as they do Prom Night and Maniac and My Bloody Valentine.
This is not the way you'd expect the saga of Jason Voorhees to begin. If it weren't for the last minute addition of the Carrie rip-off shock ending, we wouldn't even have seen the character at all in this first film. This is great. I love the way this series just organically grew in whatever direction it felt was best, damn the continuity to Hell. I don't think our society would allow this anymore. Everything has to be pre-planned (into trilogies, or shared universes) and there are legions of nerds on the Internet ready to mercilessly pick apart anything that doesn't make perfect sense (how is Jason still a kid in 1979 and then grown up in the next movie?). There's no longer a lot of freedom in these series. Had Friday the 13th been released this decade, we probably would've had two sequels featuring two other killers with grudges against camp counselors (see: the Scream series).
I think this is actually a part of a larger change in society. We're losing the ability to accept magical thinking in our stories. Fairy tales are dead. It seems like everything has to have a logical explanation. How does the Force work? The Phantom Menace tells us it's generated by little organisms. What are vampires? Countless modern vampire movies tell us it's just a nasty disease, and that vampires' problems with garlic and silver are "allergies." This slavish allegiance to realism sucks the fun right out of everything. I hate when I catch myself thinking things like: "but zombies wouldn't be able to movie without active chemical processes in their muscles." No, brain, zombies move because it's scary. Full stop.
Favorite Character
Crazy Ralph (Walt Gorney): "I'm a messenger of God. You're doomed if you stay here!"
Favorite Sin
Strip Monopoly.
Favorite Kill
Jack (Kevin Bacon) getting an arrow through the neck.
Jason's Mood
Wanting a hug.
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| Ari Lehman as Jason 9 May 1980 |
The most successful of the Halloween rip-offs and arguably the starter pistol shot that kicked off the early '80s slasher boom. All of the stereotypical slasher tropes are in place in this film: the sinning teens, the killer's POV shots, the lone female survivor, the over-the-top kills created by a special effects genius. It's this last bit that made Friday the 13th special at the time; it was something a little more titillating than the mostly bloodless Halloween and just the thing to get audiences wanting more. Even if the series had not continued, people would still be watching Friday the 13th as they do Prom Night and Maniac and My Bloody Valentine.
I think this is actually a part of a larger change in society. We're losing the ability to accept magical thinking in our stories. Fairy tales are dead. It seems like everything has to have a logical explanation. How does the Force work? The Phantom Menace tells us it's generated by little organisms. What are vampires? Countless modern vampire movies tell us it's just a nasty disease, and that vampires' problems with garlic and silver are "allergies." This slavish allegiance to realism sucks the fun right out of everything. I hate when I catch myself thinking things like: "but zombies wouldn't be able to movie without active chemical processes in their muscles." No, brain, zombies move because it's scary. Full stop.
Favorite Character
Crazy Ralph (Walt Gorney): "I'm a messenger of God. You're doomed if you stay here!"
Favorite Sin
Strip Monopoly.
Favorite Kill
Jack (Kevin Bacon) getting an arrow through the neck.
Jason's Mood
Wanting a hug.
20 September 2015
September 20th
Sunday is a great day to start the Six Weeks. No work for me, no school for the kids: we're free to wade into the holiday pool as we see fit. This year, that involved a morning shopping trip to the Halloween sections of several stores where we picked up all of the bits we needed for the kids' costumes (a witch and a black cat - thanks to the double-feature of Bedknobs and Broomsticks and Kiki's Delivery Service we had a few weeks back). After returning, we popped in the first movie of the season:
Halloweentown (1998) directed by Duwayne Dunham
"Well, I jumped the gun on this one.... Ah well, maybe I'll give it another shot with the daughters in 2015 or so..." I wrote back in 2012 when last I watched this. I'll be damned, but I just happened to follow my own advice today without even knowing it. And, Past-Me was right; the daughters dug the movie just fine this time around and no one had to hide behind the couch.
Me, I feel the same as I did back then: it's a charming kids movie with some nice Halloween flavor. All of the adult actors seem to be having a hammy ball, especially Debbie Reynolds, who delivers every line just a hair over the line that divides serious from silly. I like the message of not ignoring your roots, no matter what they are. The classic trope of "you're not the normal kid you think you are" is always fun.
I did notice that, while the older daughter Marnie was supposed to be the main character, the younger daughter Sophie is the only one of the two showing any talent with magic. Sophie floats a cookie, changes a lock into a frog, and manages to perfectly memorize her grandma's spell to activate the wand-thing. Marnie doesn't do anything remotely as useful. We'll be watching a couple more of these movies, so I'd be curious to see if this becomes some kind of sibling rivalry side story. Though, I'm probably giving the writers too much credit, I suspect.
Halloweentown (1998) directed by Duwayne Dunham
Me, I feel the same as I did back then: it's a charming kids movie with some nice Halloween flavor. All of the adult actors seem to be having a hammy ball, especially Debbie Reynolds, who delivers every line just a hair over the line that divides serious from silly. I like the message of not ignoring your roots, no matter what they are. The classic trope of "you're not the normal kid you think you are" is always fun.
I did notice that, while the older daughter Marnie was supposed to be the main character, the younger daughter Sophie is the only one of the two showing any talent with magic. Sophie floats a cookie, changes a lock into a frog, and manages to perfectly memorize her grandma's spell to activate the wand-thing. Marnie doesn't do anything remotely as useful. We'll be watching a couple more of these movies, so I'd be curious to see if this becomes some kind of sibling rivalry side story. Though, I'm probably giving the writers too much credit, I suspect.
Six Weeks of Halloween 2015
| September 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 October 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 |
HALLOWEENTIME 2015.
The best time of the year is upon us once again! For me, that means lots of horror movies, apple cider, and cool strolls through leaf-strewn streets. Though, life is a little busier than normal lately, so I will forego my usual goal of a movie per day. Still, there should be plenty of time for:
The best time of the year is upon us once again! For me, that means lots of horror movies, apple cider, and cool strolls through leaf-strewn streets. Though, life is a little busier than normal lately, so I will forego my usual goal of a movie per day. Still, there should be plenty of time for:
- Halloween on Halloween, like I've done since '99.
- The Walking Dead, season 5. Once this hits Netflix, I'll catch up on Rick & company's adventures with the cannibals.
- Freddy vs. Jason: The Chronocinethon: all 20 classic (and not-so-classic) slasher movies in the order they were released to cinemas. (R.I.P. Wes Craven and thank you for so much)
- The usual assortment of incredibly crappy flicks I seem to torture myself with every year. I've got a load of movies due to arrive from Vinegar Syndrome which should fit the bill nicely.
Opening Today:
Six Weeks of Halloween the 13th!
Six Weeks of Halloween the 13th!
10 November 2014
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